Dear NBC Network:
Like many of my fellow Americans, I am excited about viewing the Summer Olympic games in London. I was ecstatic to be able to watch hours and hours of coverage of those mens in tights out on the track and in those tiny briefs in the pool..sorry I digress..I was proud to be able to watch these elite athletes represent the great United States of America at the highest levels of sport!!!!
However, NBC..your coverage sucks. Donkey balls. Let us bullet point the ways.
- Let’s start with NBCOlympics.com. Don’t advertise that you can watch all events live over the web when you really can’t. If you don’t have a cable subscription, you are shit out of luck. Some people don’t have cable, NBC. That’s foul.
- Let’s move on to the smartphone apps that work when they want to and tend to die at the very moment you are trying to see the end of an event. Special shade is thrown to the cell phone carriers with their jacked up networks.
- Bob Costas. Need I say more?? Dude is just terrible. Overly fake and smarmy.
- The dude who was doing ALL of the gymnastics coverage..I don’t know who that was but he sounded WAY too critical..Let’s not invite him back, k?
- Why is Ryan Seacrest giving us social media updates? All of us are on Twitter and FB? We already know what the people are saying. Better yet, WHY IS RYAN SEACREST PROVIDING COVERAGE AT THE OLYMPICS IN THE FIRST PLACE??
- NBC you really suck majorly for making people like me, who have to go to work in the morning, wait until nearly the break of dawn before showing the men’s 100M dash final. Yes, I know who won already but stop milking shit for ratings and show the damn race so I can go to bed!
- NBC you also suck for not having taste. Showing the ad for the new sitcom that stars a damn monkey in it, right after Gabby Douglas won the gold…no bueno. Who’s running tape back there?
- NBC..swimming is over now. Can we get some interviews of these mens from track and field?? Can Sanya Richards-Ross get some damn shine??
- Lolo Jones is overrated. She’s probably not going to medal. Less chatter about her please.
And a special “you ain’t shit” goes out to the Associated Press for thinking that the financial issues of Gabby Douglas’s mom and Ryan Lochte’s parents is “news”. It’s tacky and classless for one thing and seeks to diminish the triumphs of these fine athletes. However, in the words of that great philosopher, Dave Chappelle, both Gabby and Ryan are about to be able to say: “I’m rich, bitch!!!” and shake all the haters off.
NBC, it is my sincere hope that you don’t take this constructive criticism personally. I’m only trying to build you up, not tear you down. I’m all about the positivity. *big cheesy grin*
With all my love,