I was reading over the weekend about the ongoing battle royale between R&B superstar Usher and his ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond. According to the always on point folks over at TMZ.com, Usher has given Tameka a 60 day notice to vacate the house that she has been living in since 2009, rent free mind you, because he intends to sell it. Woe is her, right? I do feel for Ms. Foster. She recently lost a child in a tragic accident, and to add insult to injury primary custody of her two youngest was awarded to Usher. But for me that’s where the sympathy train runs out of tracks.
I don’t think Usher is a saint by any means, and he didn’t help matters much with that Oprah interview. However, I do think he’s tried to reach some sort of settlement several times with Ms. Foster, which she continually rejected. The couple have been divorced officially since 2009. You read that correctly, 2-0-0-9. I don’t really know whose fault it was that they could never come to terms on custody but Tameka lost that war in the end. You see, I have a little theory about this case (and also the Siovaughn Wade-Dywane Wade divorce), and my thoughts are this: the longer the mother dragged the father back and forth into court; the more the court saw her as unstable which weakened her status and led to the father being granted custody. I mean think about it. Family court is inherently biased toward placing minor children with their mothers and giving fathers visitation. A mother has to be blind, crippled or crazy to lose custody of her kids. I’m sure the fact that both fathers are tremendously wealthy also factored into the court’s decision.
I’m getting to a larger point here so follow with me: As women, we have to stop being stuck on stupid. Whether a woman is in a marriage that is ending or a committed relationship that’s gone kaput, we have to realize the end game. The end game is, IF the man doesn’t want to be in the relationship, has no intention of trying to working to save the relationship, has moved on and gotten a new woman; then what is the point to continually being evil and bitter about it, especially if there are children involved. Of course, I can sit here and type these words because that is a lot easier said than done. However, I have been lied to and cheated on and held bitterness in my heart for a very long time, while the object of my ire, had moved cross-country with the chick he cheated on me with, living his life like it was golden.
How does that saying go, Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Well after I realized dude was kicking it strong and was giving me nary a thought; I decided to stop killing myself.
Maybe Tameka Foster Raymond should too.