If you follow me on Twitter, you may or may not have read my tweets about my particularly sucky weekend. In the interest of making a long story real short, I lost my wedding band at the gym, our car stalled in the grocery store parking lot in 1000 degree Texas heat, and I had to get a high priced ass rental for a few days. Cue meltdown from me on Saturday, and general stankness on my part all day on Sunday. I was naturally QUITE upset about losing my wedding band because it held a lot of sentimental value for me and it wasn’t a cheap piece of jewelry.
We had the money to fix the car and I have since ordered a replacement band but on Sunday, in the midst of my stankness about the whole situation my husband gave me a real good talking to. I was mad about my ring and mad about the money we had to spend to get the car fixed (it was the starter). Hell I was just MAD on GP. I HATE having to hit our savings account. I mean I hate it. Having that cushion is security to me, even though that is the purpose of having an emergency fund. I know that sounds ridiculous but hey, it is what it is, I’m weird like that.
While Myron was giving me my suck it up and get your mind right talking to (which I needed), he made a very salient point which I have thought about this week. He was like, “Babe, you really haven’t had to struggle have you?”. Pause. After I thought about it for a second, I replied that I really haven’t had to. He said in response: “This little hiccup isn’t anything. I’ve been in way worse situations than this.” And of course, he was right (but I don’t always like to admit it). This bump in the road called life was minor in the grand scheme of things and we had the funds to cover it. And I have been blessed to have been raised to where I didn’t have to struggle for things in life. But it did make me question myself a bit. For a lot of people, the struggle IS real. For real, for real. Folks are struggling to escape bad environments or bad relationships or trying to better themselves, sometimes with no support at all.
So I have my husband to thank for helping me to keep things in perspective because my life could be a whole lot worser. And life can turn on a dime. If it does, I need to get my weight up to be able to handle it.
Anyone had to struggle to get where you are now, for real?
Holla at me in the comments.
No longer unemployed, no longer a bride... 
“Had to” as in past tense?
more like still struggling!
I’ve definitely had to struggle. I grew up poor and I know what it’s like to do homework by candle light cause the lights are off. I also know what it’s like to make decent money and have be left holding the debt/bad credit bag after a divorce while being taxed to death for being single and childless. I recently made the choice to move to Texas in order to have a little more breathing room because for me California was just too tough. I’d kill for an emergency fund to be able to dip into and thank God we are on our way to having one. Even with struggles, I’ve been abundantly blessed and I’m pretty darn pleased with my life.
All that said, your struggles are just as valid for you whether they be mental, emotional, financial or otherwise. We just gotta know how to deal with them and keep pushing through without a total melt down. Putting them into perspective can help you come back to reality a bit and formulate a game plan to get over the hump.
I know and recognize that there are plenty that have it worse than me but my pain is still very real even if it can be considered trivial to someone else.
Yes, I am struggling. And it can feel crippling! I have 2 degrees & had been gainfully employed since 1993. Was at my latest job for 5 years. Every time the company gave out raises or promotions, I was in the receiving line. I really liked my job, and had a pleasant day-to-day working experience.
But then, management changed…the new hire did not like the fact that I was a sista running my own dept. with 6 subordinates. Questioned me on everything, down to my wardrobe, but not in the way you would think. Her exact words were…and I quote “Why do you dress SO WELL!? I mean, I AM the MANAGER here! NOT YOU! hahahahaha! HONEY, WHO are you trying to impress!? That is NOT the way to get MYYY JOOOOB!” And then she walked away laughing hysterically.
Discussions with HR were useless.
They said there was ‘nothing wrong with what she said’, but perhaps they could ‘talk to her about her approach & tone of voice in the future.’
Really?
Her concentrated, non-stop hostility raised my blood pressure….literally. I was granted a medical leave of absence (via FMLA) after being diagnosed with Stage II Hypertension. My blood pressure was 190/ 110. (Stroke zone).
I returned to work two weeks later & fell right back in line, thinking all was well.
I was terminated 2weeks later. For no reason. Nor did they have to give me a reason because I’m in Georgia, which is an ‘AT WILL’ state. Smh.
That was back in 2008. I had savings of about $12, 500…..While looking for new work, I lived off of that for awhile.
Shortly thereafter, I had to take in my mother.
She has Chronic Sarcoidosis (Stage IV), and was now out of remission.
We were at the ER 2-3 times a week for 3 months straight.
She is considered “Non-insurable”, and because she is not 65, she is not old enough for Medicaire.
So, I have had to pay out of pocket for her medical care.
Now, out of money….the food stamp & job search lines are as familiar to me as having a job used to be.
The crass, heartless, judgemental comments by people who by their own account have never experienced ‘hardship’ are just the extra slap in the face.
How dare you?
After having worked non-stop for nearly 20 years, I have no children. As a single person w/out kids, just imagine the taxes I’ve paid out, that I will NEVER see again.
It is infuriating to have calloused snobs make comments at the grocery store, when they notice my food stamp card, about how SICK they are of ‘carrying the load for these lazy people who don’t want to work, would rather sit on their asses and collect welfare’.
Wow.
And let’s talk about that job search!
Shout out to all the ‘potential employers’ in the state of Georgia and beyond, that have taken to including the words “No need to apply if not currently employed” in their job posts.
YES, REALLY.
“Unemployed Bride”, your blog rocks….and even your rants are Positive!
I thank you for the platform to finally get this off my chest. 🙂
By the way, in my struggle, I am still happy & humble.
Instead of faulting God and asking ‘why me?’, I’m forging ahead and acknowledging ‘why not me?’
We are ALL subject to having the proverbial rug snatched out from under us.
Some of your readers should really take heed.
Signed,
Keepin’ my Head High, and my Heels Higher!
but is the struggle only about money or lack of it? aren’t there other kinds of struggles – for example poor health, sickness, crazy relatives, nothing seeming to work out for you….just wondering, that’s all.
No, I haven’t had to struggle, ever. But for people who spend their whole lives struggling (not counting childhood), MOST of the time it’s due to their own repeat poor decisions.
I have struggled to get where I am now. I anticipate that I will struggle to grow further. The struggles have developed my muscles.
Overcoming past struggles impacts my outlook. When I am faced with a new obstacle, I know I have the ability to overcome. Is growth possible without struggle?
This was good food for thought. Perspective is key. I understand that need to have an emergency fund & the comfort that comes with seeing a certain balance maintained. LOL I have had to help relatives out by taking money from my savings account & I can be honest & admit that sometimes depending on which relative it is, it is not always an easy decision (because I know despite promises made I won’t see the money coming back from that person) But I try to think that it’s better to be the person in position to give money away than to be the one who needs it & I know that when you bless others you will be blessed.
I struggle daily! I will say that having a supportive husband is such a blessing for you. As a divorced woman, I don’t have that luxury and I wish I did.
*sigh* No. Not to say I haven’t had any trials, but God’s grace and a supportive family always comes through for me. Always. I’ve lost two jobs and both times have been employed again w/in 8 weeks. This is why I really count my blessings and don’t focus on my problems because I really have NOTHING to complain about!
I’ve never had to struggle. I thought I did but now I know those were just some high class problems.
LOL!!
I was unemployed from Oct 2010 to Jan 2011 and then again Sept 2011 to April 2012……….I had a security cushion as you mentioned the first time around and attempted to rebuild said cushion before the second time, but as you said things are tight and tough now a days and savings has taken a back seat to “getting by”.
I know struggle all to well, my husband was laid off a year ago got a job that was less $ but hey someting is better than nothing, he hurt his knee had surgery and is now getting 60% of that salary that was already less than we were needing. we have 3 son’s one that will be entering college in a few weeks delaing with FAFSA is no joke, but we still smile. Be thankful that you had the emergency fund to handle the situation, our emergency fund doesnt exsist any longer, 2nd surgery is on the horizon,
I totally feel you on this. I get way over-salty when stuff goes wrong and we have to dip into savings but like you, all it takes is a reminder that at least we had the funds to fix it. If we didnt, then I would just ask my parents. So yes, the struggle is real, but thankfully we havent seen it yet.
its a matter of perspective, i think. since life isnt struggle free we’ve all struggled. i dont quantify struggles – yours may not be as bad as mine, but i respect that it was still a struggle. so yeah when it seems like everything is going wrong for ME, it really is – but then I get a little perspective and realize it could be worse, and carry on.
I too haven’t had to struggle in the ways many other have. But I think that lack of struggle, especially in my early years, has left me ‘light’ and ‘hopeful’. I was having a discussion with someone about how struggling people manage their money. He was going IN. I was arguing that it might seem easy for him to tell someone to NOT rent a car, save up and buy a cheap car. But the reality is that the person is renting the car because he needs to get himself and his wife to work and their kids to the ‘good’ program they were accepted into. And if this man buys a junk car, he will still end up struggling when it breaks down monthly and he doesn’t have the money to pay for it. Should this man take his kids out of the school across town where they are getting a superior education and will likely get prepared to be accepted and succeed in college because getting them to and from in inconvenient? But the person I was discussing this with hasn’t ever struggled or been close enough to someone who is truly struggling to understand that the simple fix isn’t always a real option.
I know nothing about strugging. Nothing. This is why I think small things can be tough for me. I am glad you have a strong loving hubby to help change your perspective.
I think I’ve had it pretty easy ao I make a conscious effort to be grateful all the time. If I get hit with an unexpected expense I stop and give thanks that I have the money to cover it. When I had a job I hated I’d remind myself every morning that it would be a dream job for many. I think it’s a holdover from my mom always telling us how good we had it compared to her growing up as 1 of 10 kids in the rural south.
Ditto except my Mom was 1 of 12.
I.Know.Struggle.Well. I keeping trudging along, because I know this is not it.
The struggle IS real! I have had to struggle to the point of leaving all that I know and move to another state! I lost a lot of money and was in a serious hole! I’m just getting my head above water, starting my emergency fund and feeling like I can buy things (a few) that I like. But the road blocks continue, to the tune of $728.65 in July after paying $900+ in February to repair my car. *sighs* But like Myron pointed out to you, I thought to myself, at least I had the money to pay for it. However, VERY much like you, I was mad that I had to pull from my savings. That’s what it’s there for, but damn how will I ever build it up if I have to keep pulling from it! Le Huge Damn Sigh.
I honestly haven’t had to struggle either. What I consider a struggle really isn’t. I’ve never had to worry if I would have enough to eat or if I’d be able to pay my rent. NEVER. So yeah I bitch and moan because my insurance company didn’t cover a failed root canal and I had to pay for it but alas I have dental insurance and many do not.