The topic of conversation in one of my FB groups yesterday was this: should a co-worker or other non-related woman purchase clothing as a gift (in this case it was a Secret Santa type scenario) for a married or involved man? The majority of the commenters on the thread said no, but a couple of folks had no problem with it, and questioned why the wife or significant other would be so insecure as to have an issue with such a gift. I’ll come back to that in a minute.
I then posed the same question on Twitter with the same parameters, and pretty much got the same consensus of noes. That leads me to hypothesize that for most, that’s just a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed.
Now back to the notion of insecurity of the part of the SO/wife. I call bullshit on that. Like I said in my response on FB:
It’s not about thinking that some woman wants your mate (although sometimes they do), it’s about the parameters of that relationship. I know my husband and if some woman up and gave him a dress shirt as a gift he would be uncomfortable by that gesture and then he has to explain to me why some chick decided to give him a dress shirt. I would be OK with his explanation, but that chick would definitely get a side eye. I guess I cannot why folks outside of a 2 people’s relationship feel like you get to question the agreements/boundaries set up in the said relationship. There are only 2 folks in it, it ain’t about you (speaking generally here.)
Let me give another example. I am transitioning to a new manager. His name is Micheal. When I asked if I could call him Mike, he said he preferred that I stick with calling him by his full name. I said OK. See, I ain’t got to understand the reasoning behind that. I address the man, how he wants to be addressed. Period.
I don’t have to understand the reasoning behind how a parent raises their kids. I might think it strange, but that parent doesn’t owe me an explanation.
I don’t have to understand the reasoning behind why that person made that decision. I might not agree with it, or think it’s rather stupid but that person doesn’t owe me an explanation.
If I don’t care to have to have some woman buying Myron as dress shirt (or any other type of personal item) as a gift in a Secret Santa exchange (which I found silly anyway), I don’t have explain shit to anyone except the man I’m married to.
And it’s not about any insecurities. Everything isn’t for everyone and in this case, it definitely isn’t about you.