Cute Enough

Let me run this scenario by you as seen in one of my FB groups: A friend calls with a problem. She’s met a guy, they hit it off, and have gone out 4-5 times. He is extremely accommodating (in terms of doing things she likes to do on dates and whatnot) and has a really nice body. Knowing how we do when we get together on the phone, the question is asked how does dude look? The friend replies that he isn’t ugly, but he’s “not that cute”. No jacked up teeth or anything like that. HOWEVER, this friend has somehow managed to kiss this dude and LIKED it. So you ask your friend, what the issue is? The friend says the same thing: dude just isn’t ugly, he’s just “not that cute”. Is the friend being shallow? Is she being petty?

I paraphrased the scenario for the sake of brevity but here is my actual response to the question:

He isn’t that UGLY, because she kissed him and didn’t vomit. Because I can’t participate in tonsil hockey with any man I am not attracted to. Tried it. Didn’t work. If she isn’t attracted to him and he ain’t “cute enough” – which really means will my friends think he looks OK – then she needs to quit spending that man’s money and release him back into the wild for some other women who WILL find him “cute enough”.

I think it’s one thing to have preferences, it’s all together another thing to be petty. Sometimes worrying about what others think, will have you on the couch on Saturday nights!

What say ya’ll??


16 thoughts on “Cute Enough

  1. I agree with you 100%. I don’t date men with “will my friends find him attractive” in mind because I could care less if they find him pleasing to “their” eyes. Ol girl was being petty and she’ll stay single because of it.

  2. I’m co-signing what onefromphilly said cause I can’t stop laughing at participating in “tonsil hockey” and “release him back into the wild”. Yeah, I’m not down with tonsil hockey with unattractive men either. Bwaaahaahaaa! Throw him back.

  3. If he’s “not that cute” why did she agree to go out with him in the first place ? If he’s “not that cute” how did she end up on 4 or even 5 dates ? Sometimes I think we need to let people be who they want to be & deal with the consequences. It truly is the only way that you learn sometimes. When you figure out what is most important in finding a committed relationship (assuming that is what she wants) you may have already missed out on it. I’m not sure how you take it this far with a guy & end up kissing him if his appearance is not appealing to you ! She needs to throw him back so some other woman can pull him.

  4. I think she’s being selfish. She’s not attracted to him, but she’s dating and kissing him. Even if she does allow herself to get into a relationship with him, it won’t last because at the first sign of trouble she’s going to fall back on “he’s not cute enough” and cut out on him. Like someone above said, if he’s not for her she should let him go. He’s right for somebody!

  5. I think a person knows when their friends won’t find someone attractive even if they themselves do find them attractive. When someone asked her if he was cute, she would have responded, he is cute TO ME. if she was attracted to him. How do you kiss someone and LIKE IT and not be attracted to them? How do you date someone 4-5 times and say they aren’t that cute. If she thought he wasn’t cute on the first date, why did she continue. Everythang aint for everybody.

  6. He looks good on paper, he treats her well, and he seems to be a nice guy. She’s not attracted to him but she’s trying to make herself be. Then she IS settling! She should do herself and him a favor and let him go. Sure he’s a good catch, but not a good catch for her.

    Being afraid to let him go because somebody else might not come along is not a good look.

  7. You have to be attracted to a person. Obviously she’s not “that interested”.

  8. She sounds super picky and quite selfish. As you said, if he ain’t for you, let him go. He’s just right for someone else.

  9. I think she really isn’t attracted to him but feels that she should make it work…making her think she is settling. Attraction is a huge thing and if you go into it like “he’s not ugly” then within 3 years she will hate him even looking at her.

  10. He deserves better. Everyone deserves to be with someone that is genuinely attracted to them.

  11. I agree about not worrying what others think, but I’m unclear on her MO. If she’s not attracted to him, could she just be holding on because she’s afraid others will think she’s petty or something is wrong with her for not having a man? Just cause he’s a good dude doesn’t mean he’s good for her. I’m gonna need grown folks to stop needing to be co-signed on their own life decisions.

  12. How old is your friend? She has to learn to stop acting like a 12 year old girl who needs her BFF’s approval, and start acting like a woman who is attracted to what sounds like a great guy. I hope she wakes up and works through this…

  13. I completely agree with you. It sounds like the girl is concerned about what others will think of his appearance. And who gives a damn? I be damned if I turn down some dude that could make me happy worrying about what others will think. Damn that. Petty and immature indeed!

  14. If dude doesn’t look like the bottom of a shoe and is treating her correctly PLUS the chemistry is there – she needs to quit playing. That search for perfection will have you cuddled up next to Ben & Jerry.

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