Odds And Ends: The Back to Reality Edition

I promise I’m going to have some posts about our trip to Las Vegas this week along with some pics. We had a great time!

Right now, though I’m feeling some kind of way. My mother in law is having some health challenges so I ask that if you are a praying person that you would include her in your thoughts. She’s a sweet, kind woman who has been good to me and welcomed me into the family.

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Are you reading Beautifully Complex??? Why not? Go read this post: http://beautifullycomplex.blogspot.com/2011/10/trials-tribulations.html

Jaye, thanks for sharing your testimony!

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I was reading this post from HappilyOKd this weekend and it really captured how I’ve been feeling as of late.

I have a couple of questions for you though:

  • How do you know when a friendship is ending? In what circumstances, should one attempt to try to save/revive the friendship?
  • Are you finding harder to sustain friendships as you become older? Have you made new friends lately?
  • Is it harder to maintain friendships when you are married or when you are single?

Feel free to ponder in the comments.

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10 thoughts on “Odds And Ends: The Back to Reality Edition

  1. Praying for your MIL. I hope she recovers quickly.

    I have had the same set of friends since HS. We have all grown up and changed but we always remain friends. I have a couple of new added friends but that’s pretty much it. I think even tho I have grown up, who I am and have always been didn’t change much. The same with my small group of friends.

  2. Pingback: Weekend Recap | Nerd Girl

  3. Keeping you guys in my prayers!!!
    How do you know when a friendship is ending? In what circumstances, should one attempt to try to save/revive the friendship?<—I think you can just tell when a friendship has run its course. I've been one to destroy friendships and I've been the one trying to save them. It works BOTH ways. You both have to want it. IMO

    Are you finding harder to sustain friendships as you become older? Have you made new friends lately?<—I don't think it's harder, I just don't have time or deal with crap from folks. I've made ONE real friend lately. I don't try to make friends anymore. I also don't call people friend easily. We use that word too loosely.

    Is it harder to maintain friendships when you are married or when you are single?<–Being married I don't think its hard unless you make it hard. My friends who are singleand married both understand that I have a family. Ya can't get mad when you call and I can't answer or stop what I'm doing to see whats up. SOMETIMES I can, other times not so much.

    Great post!

  4. I have been praying for your mother MIL’s quick, full recovery!!

    Hmmm. Of my true adult friendships, I don’t think that one has ever truly ended. One of my friends and I went a while without talking – maybe two years – because of a misunderstanding, but we’ve since mended fences and picked up where we left off. Most of my relationships change because of relocation on one of our parts.

    I think friendships are definitely harder to maintain particularly once children enter the picture. Where we were all once childless newlyweds with nothing but time on our hands, we now have responsibilities which make even getting together for dinner damn near impossible.

    Nah, no new friends lately. I think it’s extremely hard to make true friends as an adult.

    Again, for me the difficulties began to arise as we started having children. Marital status didn’t really have anything to do with it, though admittedly most of my friends are married.

    Let me add – Smoochy and I don’t have “couple friends” that we hang out with. He’s from Jxn and has friends he’s had his whole life. Some are married, some aren’t, but we’ve never really tried to force the package deal friendship thing. I’m cool with the various wives, but I’m not friends with any of them. The same can be said for my friends and their husbands – Smoochy’s cool with them, we get together and do family things with the kids, but they’re not socializing beyond that.

  5. In my own experience, my friendships basically ended when the phone calls became few and far between. Then they eventually stopped altogether . My BFF passed away a few years ago and since then no one has replaced her as far as BFFs so, I have not had any close friends in a few years now. I do, however, have some acquaintances that I hang out with from time to time.

    Being in my mid-40s, I’ve come to realize what is and is not important and who and what I will allow to occupy my space. Friendship is something that I no longer take for granted and if I feel that others are not where I am both spiritually and mentally, then I will put even more space between us.

    Having been married and now divorced, I’ve learned that like attracts like for the most part. Therefore, married women ten to gravitate to other married women and likewise for the single women. But I find it very helpful to have friendships that are a balance of the two. The acquaintances that I mentioned above are a great example of this.

    LLL40
    http://livelovelaughafter40.blogspot.com

  6. Prayers for your MIL.

    I feel a friendship has died when common courtesy shows up less and less, and one person is putting in more effort than the other person. I think you can try to revive the friendship if there have been no deal breakers or bullshiggity, but even then sometimes friendships just die out.

    I made two close friends in grad school a few years ago, but not any since. It is really hard to make women friends after college, especially if you don’t have a large circle of women friends already. Single women that are lone wolves are treated as if they have the plague.

    I don’t find it harder to sustain friendships, but it is harder to get together with my close firends simply because we don’t live in the same city and are busy.

    I definitely think it’s easier to make friends as a married woman as opposed to a single woman. Married women bond over being married, over their children (or desire to have them), over a lot of things that are viewed more favorably than what people consider “single women’s pursuits”. Plus, as a single women, it ticks me off to no end when I’m viewed as a threat – not because of my conduct, but because I’m not married. I’ve found that most of the women I meet who later become friends are all single.

  7. I’ve really been trying to figure out how you know when a friendship is ending. I haven’t the foggiest idea. My experience has been that sans a big blow out, friendships are just perpetually fluctuating. You know, folks bitch and moan all the time about their friends understanding when they have stuff going on and can’t bee 100% present (and I’ve been one of those people — hello grad school, goodbye personal life) but at what point are you just using that as an excuse not to put forth effort? Sheesh. I need a rule book, dagnabit.

    I’ve made new friends because I started grad school last year. I didn’t intend to, though. I had EVERY intention of just going to class and living my life because I did not (or thought I didn’t) have time for new friends. Idk what the hell I was thinking — I’m in a program that has you in your feelings all the time. Of course I made new friends. I’m not making any more though! *puts foot down* It’s hard to make new friends though. You fall out of practice after like 10th grade.

    I think It’s hard to maintain a friendship when you’re busy. Period. Single folks get busy as do married folks.

  8. Thanks so much for the “Link Love” Lady !

    Continually praying for your MIL as well.

    On to the questions:
    1.When you find yourself doing MORE than the other person is doing to maintain the connection, it could be lost for various reasons, some may have nothing to do with you. Make the effort because you don’t always know what is going on in someones life in a certain season. If I really care, I will try until it’s obvious the other person just doesn’t see the value anymore & then I can let it go.

    2. I think it is harder as we become older, due to competing interests of husbands, children, and significant others, elderly parents, work etc. Women have their hands full and have to prioritize. Age just brings about so many more responsibilities. This is why so many people speak of having a small circle.

    3. It is harder to maintain friendships when you are married. But at the same time, I think it is very important to try to have those friendships ( with both married & single friends) because they help to keep you balanced in your marriage & sometimes can enhance your marriage in some surprising ways. Friendship is a welcome reprieve from life’s pressures.

  9. I’m single. I don’t really reach out to new acquaintances who are married with kids etc. I just assume that it would be too difficult to hang out as far as scheduling etc. There is also that RARE married chick who either thinks a single woman is a threat OR thinks her free time 24/7 revolves around her husband and kids OR just thinks single is a disease they don’t want to catch. (I said RARE yall, don’t jump on me!) I don’t recall meeting a married woman and us being like “we should hang out.” I would welcome it, but I don’t offer because I just don’t think it will work out so oh well. I do have older friends who are married etc and we KIT even if we don’t hang out as much. I know am always welcome in their homes.
    I do have one friend/associate who I know making plans with her, just her and not her husband would be pretty much impossible. I’m not surprised because I knew she’d be like that when we were both still single. It’s like it would never occur to her to do something social without her husband.
    The new friends I’ve made lately are all single. I can only think of one friend that I’ve sort of broken up with. (she’s single) We don’t have any ill will toward each other nor are we hostile but we just grew in different directions as far as our values, etc…It’s always good to see her etc.
    I think women may use the word friend too freely. Just because someone complimented your hair and yall ki ki’ed it up doesn’t mean they’re a friend. Then, if the person does something shady or rubs them wrong, they cry foul to anyone who will listen, “she this, she that, can’t stand her, etc. She was never a friend. On the other hand, Just because you genuinely don’t like someone doesn’t mean you can’t be cordial. Just say no to drama.

  10. I have less friends now but better friends. People have made life choices that have caused them to ‘self select’ themselves OUT of my life. Friendships have changed as I’ve gotten older. We talk less, see each other even less. If both people are OK with that, then cool. Doesn’t mean we aren’t friends, just that we aren’t close.

    I haven’t made any new friends in years. I’m not going to lie. My circle is pretty much closed to new-comers unless they marry in. Even then, if they don’t like us, we won’t force friendships.

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