Catching Up

Today I had lunch with a soror-friend that I had not seen in SEVEN (!) years. (As an aside, don’t be a loser like me and go 7 years without seeing your homegirls!) It was SO good to see my friend, who has done amazing things in career as an attorney. I am so proud of her!!! *squeals like a teenage girl*

In the course of catching up about work, family and all things life related, I asked her was she dating anyone and she mentioned an on- again/off-again relationship that’s permanently off now. And of course, we talked about me getting married and how being single for a long time really gave a me a good, long opportunity to observe other folk’ relationships and marriages to learn what I DID NOT want for mine.

And my soror-friend in her typically blunt fashion said this (paraphrasing here): “I’d rather be alone forever, then marry the wrong dude and be miserable because I see WAY too much of that.” Let the chuuuuch say amen! My soror has always been one gives it to you straight, no chaser.

And of course we all know that, and we all say that. And it got me to thinking, how many women truly MEAN that, without a shadow of a doubt?? For a time, I did not. It was lip service, I was fronting to myself and to others. And it took me quite some time to get my mind wrapped around potentially being unmarried.  But when you do get there, it’s liberating. It truly is. And that doesn’t mean you don’t get lonely, because you are still human and that’s to be expected. What it means is that you know that the loneliness will soon pass and there is still much life to be LIVED.

And maybe along the way, you might just fall in love anyway.

(Dee, it was awesome seeing you today! *MUAH*)

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7 thoughts on “Catching Up

  1. And it got me to thinking, how many women truly MEAN that, without a shadow of a doubt??

    *raises hand* I want to do it right, or not at all. It also helps that I actually enjoy my (single) life as is anyway, and that I’m not pressed to procreate. It’s a good place to be.

    Hi Dee! Dang TIH, I’ve seen Dee more recently than you have. 😆 😉

  2. I don’t know. I’m not black and white on this one. I get the idea of “if you can’t change it, make your peace with it” but why such bleak options? lol… Dag, it’s between being alone forever or being miserable in a marriage?

    Honestly, I’ve met a lot of guys that I could have built happy lives with who I didn’t. I’ve only dealt with one “thank you, Jesus for not giving me him” dude (um, thank you, Jesus!…lol) but the rest of the guys that I’ve loved, I probably could have married and built with. I love my future husband to pieces. And of course NOW, I can’t imagine marrying anyone else but him. But if he hadn’t come along, I still wouldn’t be cool with being single. It’s not what I wanted. And I couldn’t happily resign myself to that.

  3. I loved this post. I read that inbox message the other day over at CreoleinDC’s spot and it really just put a damper on me. I don’t know that lady from the man in the moon but you hear all these horror stories about marriage and you think “Shit I’m happy now, ain’t no way I’m gonna end my happiness to be miserable.” Single doesn’t always have to mean alone either. Single for me has meant dating here and there and also getting out and meeting good people who share common interests and doing things with them and also family. There are rarely days that I get down on myself for not being linked up.One thing I have learned is no more repeat relationships.. If he ain’t work out hte first time, leave his azz where he is!

  4. I’m there too! A relationship would be nice but I have made so many bad choices. I’m going to be okay. If it’s meant to be I really believe it will happen. It is what works best for me.

  5. Awww….good to see you too, T-Mack! It is nice also when you see your girls who have waited for the right man and ended up happy!!! One of my girls came down the aisle to the song “The One He Kept for Me” and that was good stuff.

  6. Thanks for this, TIH. I feel the same way. Yes, I want to be in a relationship. However, I’m ok with being alone if I had to deal with some of the stuff I see others dealing with in relationships..bf/gf relationships…not marriages. Ive dealt with shat in relationships before and stayed…broke up…linked back up…you get the picture. My emotions were all over the place. I couldn’t see myself without old boy. But you know what? I made it THROUGH and became content with my own company. I go out, I’m in involved in many activities, I do NOT sit at home worrying about not having an S.O. That’s just not me at this point in my life. Do I want someone? HECK YEAH! Do I stop living and being me because I don’t have a boo thang? HELL NO!

  7. I definitely have to agree. For a while, I was all woe is me, I’m tired of being alone. Then I had a string of losers show up, some of whom I tried to make it work with. After that, I decided, that if I had to be alone to be happy, I would. I refuse to be miserable in a relationship.

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