Obey Your Thirst

Crisp, clean and refreshing!

I am a member of a FB group and I happened to be reading some of the posts this morning. A couple the ladies in the group decided to post up their pictures along with a brief introduction about themselves and the area of the country that they lived in and were asking other group members, both married and single, for introductions to suitable single men in their area. I commented on one of the pictures to encourage the young lady to not give up on her desire for a husband and to be proactive. Is that being thirsty??

Last week on Twitter, One Degree From Me matchmaker, Paul C. Brunson, encouraged singles to ask their FB friends about mutual friends who might be single and to make introductions for them. One of his twitter followers, said she didn’t know if she could do that because she didn’t want to seem stalkerish. Is that being thirsty??

Most of you know I met my husband via FB. We both would comment on the statuses of a mutual friend who asked a daily question and one day when our friend didn’t post his normal daily question, I sent Myron an inbox asking did I miss the update from our friend. I then sent him a friend request. Ya’ll know how our story ended. Was I being thirsty? If I was, I don’t really care. I’m married now.

When I first got engaged, I wrote about my efforts to be proactive in my dating life. I said back then:

But the fact of the matter is, I was like many of my friends. I would date randoms and it wouldn’t work out. The dude would look perfect on paper and be a complete asshole. I’m not a prude so there were probably some times that I probably slept with a man too soon and he got ghost. I was in a relationship with the same man, twice. (I am, OBVIOUSLY, a glutton for punishment.) I moved to Minnesota without a ring, and then once I got there found out he didn’t want to commit. I been fortunate actually. I’ve dated some pretty decent dudes..they just weren’t the dudes for me. Those who know me very well know that I have been very candid about my dating adventures and mis-adventures. Some of them were hilarious. Some of them were very painful. All of them were necessary.

I speed dated. I online dated. I asked my married friends for introductions. I got involved. I started going out by myself. I got my confidence up. I started working out. Didn’t leave the house looking busted. I did all that. I tried to get busy living.

I think the fear of being perceived as being thirsty or doing the most by friends or family (see definition from the esteemed Urban Dictionary here) is holding people (especially women) back from taking control of their dating lives. The church tells women to wait on the Lord and “he who findeth a wife finds a good thing”. I agree with both on those sentiments, but the fact remains that God doesn’t deliver husbands via FedEx!

Is online dating, asking for introductions, or going to a lounge or coffee bar by yourself from time to time considered thirsty now? Is joining an organization that interests you AND could possibly place you in a position to meet a single dude considered to be thirsty behavior? I just can’t ride with that line of thought and hope others don’t either.

At some point, folks have to think independently and do what’s best for them. If someone is not compromising their safety, not compromising their values and both parties involved are on the same page in terms of an understanding, then so be it. I certainly don’t advocate embarrassing oneself for the sake of being with a man, that’s just no bueno. But what doesn’t fly with your homegirl, may be be just fine for for you. Let her ass staying having hot dates with her couch on Friday nights.

Meet, greet and date people at the pace that feels comfortable for you and that person. Just be reasonable and smart about it.

Folks better start trusting their gut instinct and obeying their thirst.

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16 thoughts on “Obey Your Thirst

  1. I think people need to get out and date more. There really isn’t enough dating going around(much more fuckin to be blunt). People don’t seem these days to give themselves time to get to know people. They either sleep with them too soon which sometimes ends things or they write people off before they even give them a chance. Too many lists of what you want that you over look people who don’t have what you THINK you want.

    Its not thirsty to go out and meet people. Its thirsty when you keep trying to pursue someone who isn’t interested. Or when you go out dressed like a skeeza just to attract attention. But dating or seeking dates or asking people out is not.

  2. Hey TIH! I know you from blacknbougie and I think we are sorors! Great post and all this sounds like being proactive not thirsty!

  3. God helps those who help themselves…You can wait on the Lord, but if the only place you’re hoping to be “found” is at church or work, then it’s going to take you longer. There’s nothing wrong with being proactive. You have to put yourself out there in order for someone to find you.

  4. New to your blog – Looking forward to reading more!

  5. All the stuff you said sounds like the definition of being proactive to me. It’s pretty much another form of networking only this time it’s networking for romance. (Llike ASmith & Jubi said), It only becomes thirst when the other party has expressed disinterest and/or desperation starts seeping in.

    I believe in the “wait on the Lord” too but from what I’ve seen in the Bible the only thing that God sent down with people waiting was the ‘manna from Heaven’…Lol. And if we even want to go Biblically further, Ruth was very proactive in snagging Boaz. Just saying.

  6. I believe in being proactive in terms of being open and available to meet and go out with different guys. Would I ever tell my friends to hook me up with someone? The one time I did that, it backfired and I most definitely looked thirsty and desperate. I did meet my husband online but I hadn’t posted an ad or anything like that (not that I’d never done that before and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it IMO). I never had any trouble meeting men whether online or in person (and I probably met too many men in my single life. LOL) I wouldn’t advise any woman to go after any man Kim Whitley style though (remember how she used to chase after Gerald Levert??)

  7. Thirsty behaviour is hard to describe but once you see it you know it. There is a HUGE difference between being proactive and being thirsty. Yes you have to get out there but you can still practice some discernment and standards in your quest. While some people have fun stories to come out of extreme dating I don’t believe you have to kiss 100 frogs. There are some things you can find out if you’d just ask up front with out spending time and money. For example, I work out and I’m not going to cancel my work out time to meet up with men who haven’t seen the gym since HS. (For me) a workout date is a fun way to get to know someone beyond the obligatory small talk and 20 questions over drinks. If there’s no connection at least I got my workout in. Friends get upset with me over this but I’m not trying to link up with a guy who doesn’t live this lifestyle – period. I’m not putting on 50 lbs to be with someone that hates vegetables and thinks fried food is king. A thirsty sister is the one who claims to exercise but keeps canceling her workouts to meet up with 20 guys in 15 days with blog postings to match and not a single prospect for a second date. Those same men will keep a standing basketball date with their boys and plan everything else around it. To avoid thirst one must know who they are first and then be open to meeting the right match. Thirsty women drink every and anything which results in exhaustion and dehydration. If you’re into wine sipping Old English 800 will never satisfy you. If you stay true to what will quench your thirst you won’t veer into thirsty behaviour.

  8. I have NO problem asking for introductions. Good people know other good people. I don’t even understand how that is “thirsty.” *shrug*

  9. I don’t understand the extreme seeking of other people’s acceptance. Folks are gonna talk no matter what you do. So what matters at the end of the day is how your household is operating. Leave all that extra at the curb.

    I don’t think being proactive about your dating life is being thirsty. Everything you described doing sounds like you were being proactive, not thirsty.

    I’m always baffled at women who want the men to seek them out but they don’t go anywhere but work, grocery store and home. So unless he’s a co-worker, the butcher or the mailman, your odds are not that great.

    I always advocate living your own life in the interim. Be your own best friend first. So if that means going out by yourself, treating yourself, joining organizations with your interests, so be it.

    Keep doing you boo!

  10. Any time we’re talking about doing what’s best for us and saying to heck with all these other folks, I’m in. Everybody wanna tell you how to do your life, like they reap the rewards and suffer the consequences.

    I also think we, as usual, use “thirst” just to describe someone going about things differently than we would. I feel like “thirst” is more applicable to somebody who continues to fervently pursue someone who has clearly expressed disinterest.

  11. The only way I’d ask about someone on FB was if I had a specific person in mind to introduced. I would not ask via FB to be introduced to single men in general.

    On the other hand I think its great the way you and M met…I’m sure you knew from the comments he made that we was a good guy…you had a rapport established..and FB is great for that.

    I honestly don’t see how any single woman can not go out alone if they have any sort of life at all! who rolls with their friends all the time like 9th grade??

    So I wouldn’t use FB as a way to search for people but I do think its a good way to get to know someone initially. On the other hand, if I met someone offline and we started dating I don’t think I would friend them on FB right away.

    Thirst is stalking every single man you meet on FB and posting in their page way too much. A man won’t fall through your roof so you definitely have to get out.

    Is online dating, asking for introductions, or going to a lounge or coffee bar by yourself from time to time considered thirsty now?-I am not confident enough to ask for an introduction. The other methods are not thirsty behavior. But if there was a guy I was interested in I would definitely try to put myself in his path. If I couldn’t be around him I would do my research (i.e. is he definitely single and looking etc) and THEN ask for an intro

  12. Love this! If I’m thirsty, help me because I don’t want dehydration to set in. I place myself in good situations to be sought and chosen. I fly solo on occasion, too.

  13. I really want to put the word “thirsty” on the ban list with “hater” – both words are used entirely too much & incorrectly. It drives me crazy.

    These folks who are too concerned with being seen as thirsty over taking their happiness in their own hands befuddle me. What do they think, UPS will deliver their future mate to them on their doorstep? You have to get out & meet people, and put yourself out there on some level. Now, there is a line between putting yourself out there/being friendly and outright stalking folks or being desperate. But too many folks confuse showing some interest in a person & taking control of their love life with “thirst”.

    While they’re sitting at alone, I’ll be quenching my thirst on date with a yummy drink.

    BTW, what’s up with that FB group? Can a sista get an invite? 🙂

  14. MMMMMmmhmmmm (<–church humming, sits in pew and cools self with MLK paper fan on stick).

  15. I consider thirst to be a person that is moving entirely too fast for the situation. For example: We just met and we’re conversing. I tell you I’m in a relationship, but you keep flirting and asking to see pictures of my s/o to see who’s more attractive, between the two of you. smh.

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