I am a member of a FB group and I happened to be reading some of the posts this morning. A couple the ladies in the group decided to post up their pictures along with a brief introduction about themselves and the area of the country that they lived in and were asking other group members, both married and single, for introductions to suitable single men in their area. I commented on one of the pictures to encourage the young lady to not give up on her desire for a husband and to be proactive. Is that being thirsty??
Last week on Twitter, One Degree From Me matchmaker, Paul C. Brunson, encouraged singles to ask their FB friends about mutual friends who might be single and to make introductions for them. One of his twitter followers, said she didn’t know if she could do that because she didn’t want to seem stalkerish. Is that being thirsty??
Most of you know I met my husband via FB. We both would comment on the statuses of a mutual friend who asked a daily question and one day when our friend didn’t post his normal daily question, I sent Myron an inbox asking did I miss the update from our friend. I then sent him a friend request. Ya’ll know how our story ended. Was I being thirsty? If I was, I don’t really care. I’m married now.
When I first got engaged, I wrote about my efforts to be proactive in my dating life. I said back then:
But the fact of the matter is, I was like many of my friends. I would date randoms and it wouldn’t work out. The dude would look perfect on paper and be a complete asshole. I’m not a prude so there were probably some times that I probably slept with a man too soon and he got ghost. I was in a relationship with the same man, twice. (I am, OBVIOUSLY, a glutton for punishment.) I moved to Minnesota without a ring, and then once I got there found out he didn’t want to commit. I been fortunate actually. I’ve dated some pretty decent dudes..they just weren’t the dudes for me. Those who know me very well know that I have been very candid about my dating adventures and mis-adventures. Some of them were hilarious. Some of them were very painful. All of them were necessary.
I speed dated. I online dated. I asked my married friends for introductions. I got involved. I started going out by myself. I got my confidence up. I started working out. Didn’t leave the house looking busted. I did all that. I tried to get busy living.
I think the fear of being perceived as being thirsty or doing the most by friends or family (see definition from the esteemed Urban Dictionary here) is holding people (especially women) back from taking control of their dating lives. The church tells women to wait on the Lord and “he who findeth a wife finds a good thing”. I agree with both on those sentiments, but the fact remains that God doesn’t deliver husbands via FedEx!
Is online dating, asking for introductions, or going to a lounge or coffee bar by yourself from time to time considered thirsty now? Is joining an organization that interests you AND could possibly place you in a position to meet a single dude considered to be thirsty behavior? I just can’t ride with that line of thought and hope others don’t either.
At some point, folks have to think independently and do what’s best for them. If someone is not compromising their safety, not compromising their values and both parties involved are on the same page in terms of an understanding, then so be it. I certainly don’t advocate embarrassing oneself for the sake of being with a man, that’s just no bueno. But what doesn’t fly with your homegirl, may be be just fine for for you. Let her ass staying having hot dates with her couch on Friday nights.
Meet, greet and date people at the pace that feels comfortable for you and that person. Just be reasonable and smart about it.
Folks better start trusting their gut instinct and obeying their thirst.