BFFs

I just got back from lunch and was chatting with a co-worker of mine who is getting married next March. She mentioned how pissed off she was at one of her bridesmaids, who just happens to be the wife of her fiance’s best friend. She mentioned how she’d  been reaching out to this woman with the hope of them becoming closer friends because the men in their lives were best friends. However, the wife of the BFF has been less than friendly thus far.

 So then I asked her why she asked the woman to be in her wedding in the first place. She said she asked her out of courtesy, because she is the wife of her fiance’s BFF who is going to be the best man. I told her that the chick, probably accepted out of courtesy of well and probably isn’t interested in being more cordial than what is required of her as a bridesmaid. Regretfully, my co-worker said that she should have waited to pick bridesmaids. I agreed with her. It’s probably going to be a lot of drama and hurt feelings all around if she kicks the chick out of the wedding at this point.

 There is nothing in the couple rule book that I know about that says the spouses and/or significant others of all parties involved all have to be buddy buddy with each other. Myron’s best friend has a new girlfriend and I met her and she seemed to be very cool but I seriously doubt we will be chopping it up on the phone daily. I think friendships tend to happen organically more than anything and if it happens that all parties become tight, then that’s great. If not, we can all still be cordial and keep it moving.

 What say you?

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23 thoughts on “BFFs

  1. I would personally kick her out of my wedding party ( nicely of course) If i just asked to be nice, I’d tell her that. I’d also tell her that she does not have to feel obligated to stay in the party. I mean really for what? She’d be more than welcome to be a guest( I’m sure she would have been BFF’s date anyway) But she and I don’t have to be besties. It’s not THAT deep.

  2. She should not have asked ole girl to be in the wedding unless the best man requested it.

    However, if someone asked me to be in their wedding, I wouldn’t tell them no, no matter who they were. I just feel like you don’t turn down that request. But I would totally understand if someone declined to be in mine.

    The girl might feel she’s obligated to throw a shower or some other stuff.

    Couples don’t have to be BFFs unless it happens naturally.

  3. It was a mistake to ask her to be in the wedding, but co-worker was just trying to be nice. Bless her heart.

    Having said that, here’s the thing. When you look back on your wedding pictures you want to be able to smile and reminisce on that wonderful day. You don’t want to have negative comments to make about someone in the picture. Granted that can still happen as friends do part ways after a number of years. But you at least want to start “on the good foot”.

    And having said ALL of that, I would suggest asking the woman if she really wants to be in the wedding, giving her an out. But if she says yes, then she’s going to have to straighten up and fly right!

  4. Nope, wouldn’t have asked. But, seeing as the woman did ask, and the friend’s SO accepted, all that is left to do is make the best of a bad situation.

    Part of me wonders if the friend’s SO is not responding because she secretly doesn’t want to be in the wedding? Sometimes people are passive-aggressive and go about things in the wrong way.

  5. I think people confuse being cordial and friendly with being close friends. Homegirl could get along with this woman well enough for them to frequently go out together or even do occasional trips together, but they don’t have to be BFFs. She’s probably coming across as desperate instead of attempting to be friendly.

    Like BK said, everybody ain’t meant to be friends and it does everyone a service for that to be kept in mind.

  6. Sounds like the making of Teresa and her bro’s wife’s relationship from RHONJ. Trying to force something that isn’t there will NOT be good for anyone.

  7. Ain’t NO damn way! I don’t give a damn who married to who or how many kids they got! For a Wedding, you should not just ask someone all Willy Nilly to be in it. I would not want to just have a Seat Filler or a nice to have in this young ladies situation because of her future husband. My girlfriends and I have a history together. They are my ride or die! They’ve been with me through so many ups and downs, breakups, illness, death, job layoffs, you name it! With that said, we have a genuine love for each other. My happiness is their happiness, that’s who you should want to share in your special day. Just my opinion! It just ain’t no way in HELL!

  8. She was dumb for asking and BFF’s wife was even dumber for accepting.

  9. Call me crazy but I would NEVER ask the girlfriend/wife/sidekick/other woman to be in my wedding because the guy she’s dating/married to/smashing/screwing is my guy’s BFF. Nah, playa, it ain’t going down like that.

    To me, this falls into the category that 75% of wedding decision fall into: trying to please EVERYBODY ELSE.

    The long and short of it is that the wedding is about TWO people. And the two required witnesses. Now out of love, we incorporate others into our events but it shouldn’t be a courtesy.

    I had drama with picking my bridesmaids because I’m only having two: my sister and BFF. If that crazy rule followed, then Mister’s groomsmen would be my brother-in-law and my BFF’s husband. While he’s cool with them, it’s not fair to force a person on him b/c of my relationship with that person.

    On the flip side, Mister’s got his BFF and his cousin. Neither of them are married. His BFF has a sort of girlfriend that’s about to have his baby and his cousin has a sort of girlfriend that’s about to leave him and go to Texas. Now imagine THAT setup.

    I’m throwing all that mumbo jumbo out the window and having people who will support our vows and our marriage. Period.

  10. I am not friends with any of my hubby’s friend-in-laws (just made that up, LOL) I’m cordial but we don’t talk outside of couple gatherings. They’re not my cup of tea.

    My BFF’s best guy friend got married last year. His wife asked my BFF and another friend of his to be bridesmaids. Talk about DRAMA!!! I still laugh at that clash.

  11. I don’t get it… Why did your co-worker ask someone she was only marginally cool with to be in her wedding? And why in the world did ole girl accept? And why is she mad that the chick is acting like she did before? If I read this correctly, her behavior’s not worse, it’s just the same, right? Did she think that asking her to be in her wedding was going to make them best friends?

    I don’t feel a need to be friendly with ANYONE that I don’t want to. I’m not rude but if you’re married to my S/O’s best friend and I don’t like you, I still don’t like you. I try very hard not to be rude to folks but I’m not going to be fake either. This extends to mamas, sisters, cousins, friends, girlfriends, and on and on…

  12. I definitely don’t think those types of relationships should be forced. Sure, it would be nice if everyone could get along and double date and what not. But that type of silly, immature thinking (and the actions that come along with it) occurs with women of all ages. I seent it for myself.

  13. I’m with sundaze. IF I had done something that silly, I’d try to get out of it.

    I don’t think that friendships should be forced, but it’s helpful for everyone involved if ya’ll can get along and shot the breeze when in group settings. If a genuine friendship comes, great. If not, cool.

  14. perhaps she’s getting all worked up because she envisioned total perfection for her wedding day. the wife and her are cordial…that’s great – at least they’re not throwing daggers at each other. she should just accept the reality of the situation and be grateful for how its going. she has bigger fish to fry – after all she’s not just planning a wedding but also starting a marriage. you really can’t force friendships.

  15. I wouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid…but I PROBABLY would have asked her to be an usherette, do a reading or something. I think since it is her husbands BFF spouse, she should have some type of role in the wedding – just to be nice. But to me, only close family or longtime friends should be Bridesmaid/groomsmen. It is really a financial burden so I wouldn’t put that on random people.

  16. I think Bridesmaids should be YOUR close friends, someone that you have an established relationship with already. If you later become close friends with this lady after the wedding then cool, you guys would enjoy hanging out as couples, but I don’t understand putting “random” people in your wedding just for appearances. I would want my bridesmaids to be women that I am connected to, that I have personal history with.

  17. I don’t think you should ask anyone, out of courtesy, to be in your wedding. ANYbody. If I didn’t like my DADDY, he wouldn’t be in my wedding.

    I guess age played a part in your friend’s decision. I got married with no wedding party whatsoever, but if I would have had one I’m certain it would have only included best friends and best relatives.

  18. No shade, but who does that? I can (maybe) see asking your groom’s sister if they’re close, but his BFF’s wife? I’ve never heard of such. Since the wife hasn’t been responded to your co-workers attempt to be friends, maybe old girl can just say, “look, if you just said yes to be nice, no hard feelings if you want to bow out.” (Nicely, of course, not with forget-you-for-not-tryna-be-my-BFF-too attitude.) She may appreciate being let off the hook.

  19. I never would have asked her to be in my wedding, but then, that’s me. I’m funnyactin’. *shrug*

    I don’t have to be friends with my SO’s friends SO’s. If it happens it’s nice, but it’s not needed or required. (see early note about my being funnyactin’).

  20. She extended out of courtesy and the other woman accepted possibly out of courtesy.. Hmm this is driving me back to my question I asked earlier WHY CAN’T FOLKS JUST SAY NO??? there would be a lot of less hurt feelings rather than going thru with something that your heart truly isn’t in.

    definitely awkward if she kicked her out the wedding now BUT because her hubby & his BFF are like that doesn’t automatically mean the wife of BFF and she will become friends.. Unless we have our own relationship, Mister’s friends and their SO’s are just that.. we will congregate from time to time on a date night or a card party or something but don’t call me and I’m sure not calling you.. everybody ain’t meant to be friends..

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