The Ex-Factor

FB is the debbil!!!! (AR Gal, 2009)

I wanted to share this yesterday over on Black n’ Bougie but since my job refuses to let me be great in commenting and I got home too late after hanging out with hubs I decided to bring this little scenario over to my joint. Follow along with me now…….

When Myron and I started dating and became pretty serious (seriously discussing marriage), we both did some maintenance on our FB pages. We both defriended  prior ex-BFs, ex-GFs, ex-FwBs and his case he defriended his ex-wife. They have no kids together and no other ties so I asked him to let her make it.  He didn’t do it callously either. He took the time to send her an inbox explaining why he was doing it. Of course, she has to reply back with the obligatory “Are you sure?” and “I just want you to be happy” fake concern. *insert eye roll here*

So after that we get engaged, time passes by then we get married. Life goes on, right??

So can someone out there explain to me, that after nearly 8 months of  us being married, she sent him a friend request?????

Myron was baffled. He was like I told her over a year  and a half ago why I was defriending her and I didn’t even have to do that.

Well TIH is nosy, so I told him to inbox her. He did and asked her what did she want because she knew that he wouldn’t be accepting her request and his wife wouldn’t like it. She replied back: LOL!! Well I hope all is well with you guys. That was it.

*TIH scratches head*

I don’t understand people. She knew that wasn’t going to fly so I guess she was just fishing around. But why???  Did she think our marriage had gone bad that quick??? I guess the world will never know.

Do ya’ll keep up socially with ex-S/Os or ex-spouses?? What do ya’ll think the ex-wife was thinking (or smoking)??


18 thoughts on “The Ex-Factor

  1. I know I am really late on this topic, but I just had a chance to read the responses. For those of you giving her the benefit of doubt………YOU SHOULDN’T……..I know her and she was seeking a chance to get in and be messy. That is because she IS a messy person……

    A little background. When I first started dating Tiffany, my ex-wife all of a sudden wanted to get back into the picture. During the time of courtship she repeatedly tried to interrupt by trying to insert herself. After I proposed, I received a long message (from the ex) asking if I was happy and was I doing the right thing. When I told her I was deleting her as a FB friend and why, she agreed but stated her objection. Now we are more than 3/4 of a year into our marriage and she wants a re-friend???

    Ain’t nothing innocent about that.

  2. As long as there are no lingering feelings between Ex’s I don’t see why you can’t be friends with them on FB or otherwise. I don’t care if my honey is friends with his Ex’s and I’m sure he doesn’t care if I’m friends with mine.

    I’m gonna go with Nerdgirl on this one. I don’t think the EX was trippin like that. she probably didn’t think it was THAT serious. That LOL to me was an, ” Ok, but it’s not THAT serious.” type thing. I could be wrong but that is how I took it. However, if an ex wrote me off and out of their lives that way, I’d never want back in. *shrug*

  3. I am facebook friends with a few ex’s and don’t see it as a big deal. I honestly wouldn’t know if they defriended me anyway. I think if anyone wanted to get in touch with an ex, they could. It doesn’t have to be facebook.

  4. I’m friends on FB with my Ex husband. He’s remarried and I live with my S/O. He sent the request and I ignored it for a while and then he sent it again. I called him and told him the ground rules: no bull shyt comments..PERIOD, or else it would get real ugly real quick! Eventhough I doubt that he would act foolish, we have been through alot and are still cool with each other. After all we divorced and still lived in the same house with each other for almost 2 years. LOL

    We share three children so we will always have some sort of bond. But if we didn’t, we wouldn’t be in each others lives at all.

    Myron’s EX needs to kick rocks, grow up and stop being a sillyazz.

  5. I don’t think FB is the “debbil” There were always crazy, dramatical in the world. FB just magnifies them.

    I think the exwife just thought she could slip through the fb cracks. She probably wanted to see a few wedding pics. She probably got spies updating her on yall. (TOTALLY JOKING HERE).

    Exes are one thing. Ex-spouses…unless you have kids together I don’t see why you need to be in touch. If I met a guy and he told me he kept in tough with his ex wife I would be really suspicious. I could see contacting an ex spouse for business reasons or to inform them of the death of family or close friends but that’s it. You don’t even need to be FB friends. Okay maybe you can be fb friends if you both are remarried but even then don’t be commenting on each other’s walls every day.

    It just depends on how you break up with an ex. Unfortunately I don’t care to keep up with any of mine through FB, text or accidental butt calling.

  6. First and foremost, FB is indeed the debbil! Thanks for giving my coinage some limelight! LOL

    Yes, I’m friends with some exes and it’s not a big deal. Do I keep up with their on goings via FB? No. I mean of course I see their status\pictures\links whatever if they post them but I don’t rummage around their profile just to see what I can see. Why? ‘Cause I don’t care.

    There’s this is this one dude I went to HS with that continuously sent me a friend request and a few private messages on occasion. I never responded to the messages and I clicked whatever it is that is clicked when you deny a request. I finally got sick of his ass and just blocked him. I don’t invite unnecessary crazy into my life yo!

    As far as the ex, if I were in Myron’s shoes I wouldn’t have even sent the initial message explaining why she was being deleted. She would have just been deleted. End of story. Now for her to come back and send a friend request months later makes her seem either (1) extremely forgetful (to the fact that he deleted her) or (2)messy as hell. I’m going with the latter.

  7. I’m friends with a few exes on FB, I don’t think it’s a big deal and neither does Smoochy. No one has ever done or said anything out of order and I can’t imagine they ever would.

    As for Myron’s ex-wife maybe she just thought that you would be okay with their being FB friends once you settled into married life. Kind of how new parents are like “I’ll never do this, there’s no way my kid will ever…” and then once they’re in the game for a little while they’re a whole lot less stringent than they were when they were parents of a two day old.

    I guess it goes without saying that I have a tendency to give folks the benefit of the doubt…

    • I’m with this. They were friends at one point since the married. The relationship is over. They may have friends in common, she may have been interested in the pictures, whatever. It’s not like she could not contact him via FB or some other way if she was trying to start something.

      I give people the benefit of the doubt also. I’m friends with a long term ex on FB. He doesn’t do anything inappropriate nor do I. I think he genuinely wants the best for me and I feel the same way about him. I check out his pictures of kids and mom and family and I assume he does also. No big deal.

  8. I don’t know the woman but it seems like her laugh was more of a “it’s really not that serious” type of thing. She may have just wanted to see pics of you two since you got married or something innocent like that. I’m FB friends with my ex (not my ex husband but we have a son together). I’m FB friends with other exes too. It’s not that big of a deal IMO. Nobody flirts or anything. We give props and keep it moving.

  9. I guess I’m in the minority. We are friends on Facebook. We don’t interact on their. When he changed his relationship status to in a relationship my mom had a fit. Why? I don’t know. The most I do on face book is post something on my page. Usually random. Look at my feed, random. Maybe check out people’s pictures, even more random. I probably haven’t been on his page in a year or more. The girlfriend, as long as she is kind to my daughter when she visits, I’m good. Maybe his ex has ulterior motives, I don ‘t know? Maybe she just wants a lot of friends.

  10. Ex-wife is clearly looking for drama. You made in wise choice and asking that he de-friend her cause she is not a true friend.

    I am friends with some ex’s on FB but I am not friends with my ex husband. After the way things went down with us I decided that he didn’t deserve to be called a friend. He certainly didn’t always treat me as one either so I cut all ties with him personally. That was a first for him. We have tons of friends in common and I am friends with some of his relatives and vice versa.

    Not everyone wishes you well or wants to see you happy and I don’t want that negative energy projected at me. I recently went through and cut out a lot of associates and old people from high school because we never even chatted on FB. Not everyone needs access to the personal parts of my life that I share on FB. Like my girl CaliSlim I do keep a few peeps on my list cause they are so very entertaining.

  11. This was very intentional. I think she was “checking the temperature” to see if anything has changed. So many people don’t want to believe that people can be happily married and are looking for the cracks. Also a lot of married people, especially on FB don’t have enough boundaries in my opinion. I am sure everybody has a story about drama when somebodies ex has had too much access. Let’s face it, FB is a voyer’s paradise ! I agree with keeping ex’s in the past. I think it is hard to be friends with an ex, simply because of the possibility that someone in the equation is possibly still wondering…….what if ? It usually takes a LOT of time and space. Now there are those that want the ex to be able to see their “grand new life” kinda gloating if you will, but me personally, I would rather have my privacy & fly under the radar when it comes to exes.

  12. I think M’s ex was trying to create looking for cracks. She knew that y’all went through the whole “de-friending” thing very intentionally, I can’t think of any other reason why she would send a friend request now.

    I’m friends with one ex-bf on FB but he’s married and expecting a baby. We’ve moved on. My S/O was friends with his most recent ex-gf but I think she de-friended him when we got engaged. Neither one of us has a relationship status either… we’re just breaking all the FB rules. 🙂

  13. No I don’t keep up with ex’s. It’s always been my policy to let me go and move on. Even if we didn’t end on a really bad note. M’s ex was being nosey and wanted to see if he just unfriended her to appease you or if HE is on board with not being friends too. LOL.

  14. As you know, I am still friends with Mr. SLS on Facebook. We aren’t connected to other exes on Facebook and neither of us are connected to anybody we are dating right now (I don’t think I’ll do that until I am seeing someone seriously). Who knows how long that will last cause I completely understand new people not wanting the shadow of old relationships looming over them.

    As for your hubby’s ex — that was just messiness in the making, IMO. No problem, though, you knew M2 would handle it correctly and nip it in the bud.

  15. I just think she was being nosy…testing boundaries and y’alls decision about defriending, clearly, but just being a nosy heffa. I don’t necessarily think she’d drawn any conclusions about your marriage.

  16. LOL. That’s an easy one. She wanted to snoop. Some folks on my friends list are only on there because they are doing the most, and it’s interesting to watch.

    Even if things are going well, every couple will have a fight, and some play it out on FB. For instance, almost WEEKLY I see “Person X is now friends with Person Y” in my news feed. The thing is, People X and Y are married to each other! One got mad and unfriended their own spouse. And now their entire friends list gets to watch this play out.

    I’m not saying you and your hubs would ever be so juvenile, but she probably has only hearsay to rely on now. Time has passed, she was hoping his guard would be down.

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