11PM – May 5, 2011
Wife hears dishes rattling in sink downstairs.
Wife: Babe, what are you doing in the kitchen???
Husband: Nothing babe, I thought you were going to sleep.
Wife hears the sound of the Xbox game resuming.
Xbox game is paused.
Wife: Babe, what are you doing???
Husband: Nothing babe, playing my game..go to bed!
Wife continues observing the foolery on Facebook and Twitter, pays husband no mind.
Wife hears sound of Xbox game resuming.
Xbox game is paused AGAIN.
Wife: Babe, what the hell are you doing down there, dammit!!
Husband: Nothing babe, still playing my game.
Xbox game resumes for the THIRD time.
Wife becomes suspicious. Wife goes downstairs.
Wife (while descending stairs): What are you doing down here dammit????
Wife stops on stairs and takes a sniff.
Wife: What the hell are you doing cooking some damn bacon at 11 o’clock at night!?????
Husband (caught like deer in highlights): What are you doing down here???? You said you were in bed for the night!
Wife: WHY ARE YOU COOKING BACON, NEGRO???
Husband (by now falling all over the couch laughing): I was trying to hurry up and cook some bacon and eat it because I didn’t want you to come down and take all my bacon.
Wife: Well, damn you make it sound like I’m the bacon thief!!! You ain’t gotsta lie Craig, you ain’t gotsta LIE!!!!
Husband (still laughing his ass off) : You act like we ain’t never had bacon and eggs late at night!
Wife: Well if you hungry, just eat dammit!!!!! Your ass is dead ass wrong, which is why you got caught! And YES, I will be taking some of your bacon!!
Husband laughs even more at this point. Wife stalks into kitchen, gets 2 slices of bacon and some water. Wife stalks back upstairs to bed.
10 minutes later…
Husband (calling up stairwell): Babe, would you like some bacon and eggs???
Wife: No thanks, babe..you go ahead...
Wife shakes head at husband.