I have been coming back to this post on Black And Married With Kids for about the last week or so. It both fascinates and terrifies me. The title of the post is I Can’t Be A Mommy And Me. In the post the author waxes poetic about how becoming a mother has caused her to lose herself. A soror of mine who recently got divorced and is now a single mom of two daughters admonished me not to “lose myself” after I get married.
From the post:
I don’t recognize the woman that I am now. The real me is a laid back, go-with-the-flow kind of girl. I rarely stress about anything. Hakuna Matata (no worries) is my mantra. I’m naturally soft-spoken. Before I had my son I probably raised my voice, slightly, once a year. I’m a loner. I can go days without speaking to another person and that’s alright with me. I hate conflict and chaos with a passion. I love to read. I care a lot about my appearance and invest time and energy in preserving my sexy.
That is who I am. Or who I was. Now I wake up and go to sleep stressed out. I scream at the top of my lungs at least five times a day, on a good day. I clean up and my house looks like it was caught in a hurricane 15 minutes later. The rare moment that I do spend away from the kids I never spend on manicures or shopping. I spend the time catching up on everything in the house that I have been neglecting otherwise. I haven’t read a book in over a year.
I want very much to have a child(ren) but from reading that blog post and the subsequent comments made me want to run off screaming somewhere! I want to be a mother, but without the martyrdom. I have a lot of mom commenters and I need your wisdom right about now. How do you balance motherhood and marriage? (Update: I didn’t mean to leave out the single moms because I definitely want to hear your thoughts as well. Ya’ll are working, being moms and still trying to date and mingle too!)
One of the things that Myron and I learned in counseling is that we need to put God first, then us, then the children but with the judgment that comes from society and even your own families, how do you keep from becoming burned out and resentful??