Enough Already

On a group on FB I belong to, there are both single and married members. One of the members is married, and on occasion will post little tidbits about her husband and some of the nice things he does for her. One of the single members of the group sent a private message to the married member about the number of posts she makes about her husband. Evidently, the single member felt that the married member was “rubbing her marriage” in the face of the single members of the group. Understandably, the married member was very hurt by this.

This was my response on the subject:

Having also married later, at 37, I am aware of the “sting” that the single  group member (edited to remove the person’s name) speaks of having felt like that myself from time to time during my single days. There were times when I couldn’t stand to be around the “marrieds” and other times when… I needed to get counsel from my happily married friends. I think we need to be careful that we don’t cause members to self-censor. I wouldn’t want a single member to not share her struggles and triumphs nor more than a married one.
Let’s not get it twisted, there have been PLENTY of times when I was ALLLLLL up in my feelings about being single. But the more self aware you become, the more you realize that it’s not about the other person, it’s about YOU.  And this is not just about being single or married. You can apply this to other aspects of life, such as a new parent or a  person who has just gotten a new job or a new car. People that are happy or excited about something  that has occured in their lives tend to want to talk about it. But nobody has the right to tell anyone else what they can or cannot talk about on or offline. If you don’t want to hear about it, skip that thread or limit your conversations with that person.
Of course, no one likes a braggart or a gloater but when did we get to the point where I have to dull my light because you’re feeling burnt???
I’m just saying…

15 thoughts on “Enough Already

  1. How did the private message turn into a group thread? She should have told her husband about the message instead of the group. If she exposed a private message to the group, then I label her an attention seeker and now she is attention seeking through sympathy

    Her need to expose a crazed pm, makes me suspect her other posts are to gain attention. Why not just reply that her intent was not to rub it in or ignore the message? I don’t think I would be hurt if a person felt I was rubbing their lack in their face. I would remember to be grateful for what I have.

  2. Damn you, Tiffany. 😆

  3. I do think there are some people who brag too much online but my opinion has nothing to do with married vs. single (I am single). I’m talking about people who seem to brag about every small detail in their life and it just gets a little corny. I can tell when someone is genuinely sharing joy and when they are just bragging or embellishing.

    Now me personally would rather have someone post something happy about a relationship even if they did it every hour than to post something negative about their S/O. I think it’s tacky. Handle your drama offline. Or holla at me when you’re divorced, not while it’s still complicated.

    So yeah I think the singleton in this scenario is out of line and needs some help for her negative feelings. If she doesn’t like what someone posts…just block them. It’s their page, they can post what they want.

  4. interesting…….I can relate to both the single person as well as the married person, but as you said it’s about the person and how they take it, if you are tired of hearing/reading about someone’s good/bad experiences stop listening/reading……..its as simple at that, you never know who’s listening/reading and getting inspiration from the experiences you are sharing.

  5. Wow. Just wow. This woman really made herself look, pitiful, bitter, lonely, and petty, The list goes on & on. There will ALWAYS be another woman that has something that you don’t. It could be a baby, a husband, a career, a house, a car, the ability to travel, a great family, more friends… you name it. Just like you said, this can apply to many other life situations. She just went out of her way to try & make another woman feel bad, when she is the one with the self-esteem issue ! Anyone can feel a pang of envy, but to try to call someone out like that’s her fault? To try & make the married woman feel like she did something wrong, just by being happily married ? You end up looking like a self-centered idiot. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU ! Move around & focus on yourself & what ever you need to do to be happy with your life today, cause this is so unattractive. Honestly, I don’t think you can ever be supremely blessed until you can be TRULY happy for others without holding your hand out, wondering what you are going to get for it! Also, isn’t FB for the voyer in all of us ? I mean people show the good, the bad & the ugly poing on in their lives, everyday on there. If you don’t like it or can’t handle ALL of that then just delete your damn profile.

  6. It’s one thing to feel envious of another person’s marriage but to put it into an email as if to silence the person is a whole ‘nother level of stupid. If she didn’t like what she was reading then she should discontinue reading. That’s the easiest way to keep from getting “her nose rubbed” in someone’s marriage. I don’t care if her feeling were hurt or not, she should have kept that to herself! Silly little girl.

  7. Wow. I almost feel bad for single friend. She must really be miserable to do something so mean spirited. To imply that someone was actually rubbing her happiness is the face of others? Really?! Single friend needs to just click out of a thread when she’s feeling some kinda way. When her time comes, she’ll want to express her happiness freely, so she should allow others to do so now.

  8. I agree wholeheartedly. Single friend should just remove herself from the conversation until she’s in a better place. To expect someone else to be less happy with where they are because you’re not happy with where you are is outrageous!

    Most people have had moments of jealousy or envy but to wallow in and feed negative emotions is misdirected energy.

  9. I don’t think anybody should censor another. I have a friend that can talk a blue streak about her children. I listen and sometimes chime in. For the most part I know she loves to talk about her kids and sometimes if, few , I am annoyed I may cut the call short. Again, its a rarity. To me it is easier to change myself than someone else.

  10. Let’s face facts: People really don’t want to share in other’s happiness. Sadly, it’s just that simple. I bet if she was tearing down her husband saying he wasn’t ish, she’d have a hundred co-signers. Misery loves company. I saw a re-tweet a couple of weeks ago complaining that no one is happy all of the time and something to the effect that they wished the person would shut up. I thought wow! Why not use that as inspiration to get your own life together. And there are also the ones that think you’re lying when you sing the praises of your S/O. Since they can’t relate to a happy and loving relationship, they project their negativity. So sad…

  11. I co-sign this post. Nobody should dull their light, especially around friends. That should be the place where you can comfortably shine. At the same time, nobody should have to pretend to be all happy either.

  12. TABERNACLE! My relationship fizzled and burned out but I love to hear about you and M2 and my other married friends. Love is a wonderful thang.

    I will say I struggled last year when my coworker was pregnant because at the time I was going through my ectopic pregnancy she was about to have hers and was a bit over the top. But I bit my tongue because at the end of the day, she shouldn’t have to censor herself and not be happy about her baby (and this was her first baby) cause I’m having isshas.

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