When Cooler Heads Prevail

(Blogger’s Note: This is a guest post by Myron in response to a  incident that occurred when a blogger released personal identifying information of another blogger online. He had a few  thoughts on the matter.)

A lot of you saw what I had to say to the blogger who released personal information via the internet. It was very harsh and malicious. If you haven’t had the chance to read my comment in response to the post, here it is:

Dear Sir,

 I know neither you or her and I will not comment on the situation as it should be handled by the two “adults”.

 I will however comment on the nature of this post.

 When people talk about or do things to people in order to hurt them it is called spite. 

(Spite: A malicious, usually PETTY, desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person; bitter ill will; malice.) 

See in my opinion, men think logically. We are fixers by nature. If we see a problem, then we fix it to the best of our abilities with no complaints. If it is beyond our ability, then we seek to find a solution. In your situation, I do see that you have gone to the next level for your problem to be solved.

 However you became spiteful. That is an emotional response, generally used by women.

 In fixing your problem we have tools. Your tool should be your logic. Your ability to explain to the courts your plight. Your willingness and ability to take care and provide for your child. Spitefulness is a useless tool. In fact it can cause more damage to what you are trying to fix. 

Ask yourself this. Can she use this against me in court? What if the judge take this and say I might relay these things to my child in an attempt to defame her mother. Could a defamation of character law suit come from this? Could I have put my child’s mother in any kind of danger by releasing her information?

 Kind Sir, I urge you to remove this post. In my opinion this is nothing more than a bitch session. It resolves nothing.

 

My comment was not to take sides. I simply saw a potentially dangerous situation. We all, men and women, have a responsibility for others security. Especially if a child could be put in harms way. What the blogger posted may or may not have some truths to it. What he should have done is called up a few of his boys, sit down with some beers, call your baby momma all kinds of names,  and rant all you want about how you shouldn’t have gotten with her. Let your boys throw in their piece. Then go home, simple as that. It’s over.

 Unfortunately talking with his anger may have opened up other avenues for his problem to be worsened. 

Talking with your anger usually makes you say things you do not mean, or that you may regret. I tell my wife all of the time, that I don’t think we should talk about such and such right now. Not because I do not feel like talking, but I am afraid of what my anger may cause me to say. I love and cherish her too much to let an angry moment turn into a hateful and snide remark essentially hurting the one I love most.

 I was not always like that, but I had to learn from previous mistakes. That is called growing up and maturity.

 As far as the situation goes, I pray that the mother and the father come to a happy medium for the childs sake. That child did not ask to be here, and it is both of their responsibilities to make sure that child is taken care of. So Mom, the child needs for the father to be there, a dad cannot be a dad unless he is involved. Dad, $1300.00 in a six month period and a few items are not going to cut it. It takes more than money and baby stuff to be a dad.

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34 thoughts on “When Cooler Heads Prevail

  1. Pingback: By The Numbers: 2010 Blog Stats « A (formerly) unemployed bride becomes a wife…

  2. I stumbled across the post and was floored. I mean FLOORED! Regardless of the relationship between the parents, that shit was over and way past any line that one should cross. And now to read that he went even further with publishing people’s private information. *smdh* He should be ashamed and embarrassed at his imminent lack of maturity.

    • And might I add,lack of concern about his child’s safety and just overall bitchassedness.

      Thanks for what you did Myron. I’m sure he has read this, probably several times over. Here’s hoping something sank in. *knocks on wood*

  3. co-signing with comment 21. Folks get mad when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions and then go out and do stuff that makes more consequences.

    This is real life. People need to stop, breathe, think and back away from the keyboard.

  4. That whole mess from yesterday was just plain ugly. I’m glad the posts are down and feel bad for the folks who’ve had their personal business spread without their consent. And of course, I feel horribly for the child involved.

  5. I said something in the same spirit to him and he basically said “a man will fight back when he’s attacked”. SMH. I’m so glad someone was able to get through to him!

  6. Ultimately, I guess it takes a mature man to check another man on his ish.
    If it’s coming from another woman, some men just won’t see their true selves.
    I wish more men would do this more often.

    Thanks for stepping up Myron, you are THE MAN !

  7. I love it when I see men holding other men accountable for their actions. It gives me faith that there are good men out there who are willing to provide direction for those who seem to lack it.

  8. I missed the drama yesterday as well, but can tell it involved one of our blog friends. Thank you Mr. Mack for stepping in and doing what so many men need to do more often. Kudos to you!

  9. I’m thankful for men like you and for everyone who asked dude to please take that down be it via a comment or in a private email.

  10. *waves church fan* and let the congregation say amen.

  11. I missed the drama yesterday, but I have to say that this line in particular from that letter, “That is an emotional response, generally used by women,” raised my hackles beyond belief.

    Since when is anger or spite a gendered emotion? I call B.S.

    • @Sarah: Anger and/or spite is not a gendered emotion. So I totally get your point. And in my husband’s defense (which I will always do) he used generally, as opposed to always. But I get what he was trying to say and get across. Many of the other folks commenting, know the context behind the post and were not so offended.

  12. Thank you M2 for putting fingers to keyboard to express yourself. Perhaps the gentleman in question really heard what another man was saying to him.

  13. It’s kinda sad though that it’s not the fact that he felt bad for being so immature about his situation, but that it could be used against him that made him take it down.

    I wonder if he really learned and grew from this past the consequences of breaking the blogger code of ethics…having the same motivations and practices…just not online.

  14. Okay then Mr. Mack! Sometimes it takes an unbiased man to step in and lay all the cards out on the table. I was wondering what shut that mess down! And essentially calling him out as a “bitch” was a great touch.

  15. Myron Mack for President of Negronia!!! #enuffsaid

  16. Myron – you are all kinds of awesome! TIH – you are exceedingly blessed!

  17. Awesome post. I am so glad a MAN stepped in and commented on the situation.

    I continue to pray for all parties involved.

  18. Myron broke it down so it would forever and consistently be broke!

    I read the post and the comments and was FLOORED by the information put out there. To a bunch of strangers.

    Myron was right, vent to your boys over beers and then go home. You don’t know what kind of crazies are out there and what they will do with that information.

    Giving out her name and workplace? So when she starts getting crazy deliveries and hate emails, it isn’t his fault?

    Furthermore (and MOST IMPORTANTLY) that lady is the MOTHER of your child. Dude, why put your child in harm’s way? At which point you have children, the song is no longer about you.

    We need to use our internet/blog/twitter/social networking powers for good. I’m glad Myron did and shared some wisdom with homeboy.

  19. I am glad you reached out and estactic that it made a difference. My girl has a good MAN in you. Most men would have not gotten involved, but you saw the security of a friend in jeopardy and could not let that go unaddressed. I applaud you.

  20. I was wondering who posted that comment and I’m so glad you did. Very well said, Myron!

  21. Myron needs to teach a class!

    I really MISS having men who could dismiss or check their emotions being the majority. So many men of my generation are just plain bitchy.

  22. ” I was not always like that, but I had to learn from previous mistakes. That is called growing up and maturity.”

    Welp!

    Shout out to SingLikeSassy for giving me a voice to put to Myron’s picture. I will forever link the two!

  23. “Talking with your anger usually makes you say things you do not mean, or that you may regret. I tell my wife all of the time, that I don’t think we should talk about such and such right now. Not because I do not feel like talking, but I am afraid of what my anger may cause me to say. I love and cherish her too much to let an angry moment turn into a hateful and snide remark essentially hurting the one I love.”

    I am a logical guy and tend to take time to think things thru, for the power of life and death are in the tongue (and keyboard). Often we type and say things in a measure to defend ourselves from hurt. This neither justifies nor excuses the behavior, because you are ultimately responsible for your own actions. What I glean from this is; a man ( term used
    loosely) was never equipped from his father or an influential male with the tools needed to function in a relationship. Regardless of what she does she still deserves respect. You are forever tied to her by way of this child. His inability to comprehend the consequences of his actions caused him to react in an adverse way that goes beyond basic male principles. No matter what you delete or apologize for the damage is done. Now you must be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions AGAIN. Healing happens on their time not yours and what may seem as a simple post/comment to you may have caused irreparable damage. Hurting others to relieve your own pain is childish and a dangerous game to play. Leave that Tyler Perry drama where it needs to stay…. In Hollywood.

  24. I missed this drama yesterday, but I’ve seen some blog posts about it so get the gist of what happened. Thankfully a REAL man stepped in and offered some rational advice.

    But off on a tangent a bit, here’s my interpretation of what Myron posted: “You’re actin’ like a lil’ biyatch right now.” And thinking about Myron saying that but sounding like Larenz Tate in Menace to Society is cracking me up this morning.

  25. Blessings to you, Myron, for checking that foolishness yesterday! I don’t think anyone other than a man would have been able to get through to him.

  26. As a person who has been slandered (unsuccessfully) online in the past, I can really appreciate Myron’s words. When dealing with different people in cyberspace, I’ve learned to develop thick skin and would suggest that others who plan on using the world wide web do the same.
    Now…wrong is wrong and right is right all day so I will say two things:
    1. Pick your apples carefully. We can usually tell before biting into an apple if it will be sweet and firm or soft and mushy. If it looks bruised and feel bruised, don’t bite into it.
    2. Don’t throw stones at a person who has a pocket full of stones if you don’t want that person to throw stones back at you.
    And that ladies and gentleman is Just My Opinion.

  27. Amen and Amen again. Growth is always good. Most of the messiness we as human beings deal with, usually springs out of anger or spite.

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