You Are What You Hear And Read

Everyone's got an effing opinion. Doesn't mean you have to read it.

As usual, Michele of Black n’ Bougie brings the heat, this time about the satirical Black Marriage Negotiations video that’s floating around the interwebs today. My comment turned into a blog post of it’s own so I thought I’d bring it back home and let ya’ll have a stab at it.

Here’s what I said:

I haven’t watched the video. I probably won’t either. Ya’ll’s commentary is enough to let me know I haven’t missed anything that hasn’t been done to death, already.

But what I really wanted to say is this: Prior to meeting my now-husband, I had to take a break from all things black relationships and their subsequent death. My Google reader was full of SBMs, VSBs, Single Girl in (Insert X) City and the likes. I had just come off of dealing with a “recycled” dude from my early 20s who I thought had grown up but hadn’t. I was full of piss and quite a lot of vinegar. I was tart. I had a tantrum at my mother’s kitchen table where I told her not to not expect any grandchildren from me and to accept the fact that I wasn’t getting married, because I had. She looked at me as if I had grown 3 heads and said: “This is so not like you. This is not even of your personality. WHEN DID YOU BECOME SO ANGRY?”

Her words jabbed me. When DID I become so angry? I had always bounced back from relationship snafu’s before so what was so different this time.

I don’t get into a lot of psycho babble but I will say this, what you absorb from outside media can influence how you think and to some degree how you feel. Of course, constant reading of a relationship blog shouldn’t make you want to cut your wrists with a butter knife, but the barrage of he-said, she said that goes hand in hand with the black gender wars, both online and in real life, was enough to make me really take stock and say I need to fall back. I had to get my mind right, ya’ll. I’m a person of faith so I had to pray. I had to talk to my folks, I had to talk to my SANE married friends and I had to stop bitching so much to my single friends. I just STOPPED for a while.

This little video, satire or not, is just another bit of noise that you have to decide if you want to absorb or not. I personally say don’t, because right about now it’s not adding value. And if you are close to the place, I was at around that time you don’t really need it in your life. Don’t you absorb enough bullshit as it is???

What do ya’ll think??


13 thoughts on “You Are What You Hear And Read

  1. Excellent post. I agree…”single black woman” is starting to seem like a ‘way of life’ and I want no parts of it. I avoid most of the single/dating blogs I used to read like the plague…I’d rather focus on other stuff.

  2. I loved your comment. I too had to stop reading so much. It would sour my mood for the day.
    So much of the advice is contradictory and I would start analyzing my world through other peoples eyes; trying to read into his words and actions and measure according to someone else’s ruler. It can be completely overwhelming and without realizing it you do start to absorb it all.

    I read a lot of blogs during the day and I close the window if it’s heading in a direction I do not want to read. I am far from angry- I am a die hard hopeless romantic but all of the dating and romance advice in blog land was making me sad. Hell, I had enough going on and my own blog was depressing me. I choose to follow and read the happy folks and it’s made a world of difference.

  3. I’m with onefromphilly…it was over the top craziness. It grabbed and poked at every obvious stereotype. The problem is…stereotypes come from the truth. I almost hope the video scares some ladies straight, like word? I really sound like that?

  4. I haven’t reached ABW status. I watched it. Thought it was satire, chuckled, rolled my eyes a bit and moved on. As OneFromPhilly stated, I stopped letting the media, statistics etc define me or speak for me.

    However, they did do a male version that I watched an thought was quite clever! 😆

  5. I’ve refused to watch it either. The world has enough toxic people without potentially toxic cartoons.

  6. Great post! I feel pain for my single sistas and all that they are going through. I’ve been encouraging them to look for and read about love and successful relationships that are working.

  7. smiling.. because I echo your sentiment.. I became an ABW back in 2001.. I couldnt believe who I turned into.. I took a year off from EVERYTHING.. and fell in love with me.. I met a good dude and I was able to accept him and we had a good relationship.. it didn’t work out in the end BUT I’m a better woman today though.. because I’m not afraid to love again.. and I’m no longer angry.. I don’t even bother looking at the videos or reading the articles anymore.. they can beat that dead horse till it comes alive.. it’s not MY reality and I’ll leave it at that.

  8. I agree in that as with most things — what goes in, comes out. I can’t take in all the negativity nor am I interested in playing the blame game. I have enough going on in my own life to worry about where “the black man” or “black woman” have gone wrong.

    That said, I watched the videos and thought they were funny. 🙂

  9. If I wasn’t at work, I would’ve stood up and clapped, did a Holy Dance and thanked Jesus for your life.

    You were absolutely right in everything you said. We HAVE to take this stuff with a grain of salt, remember that blogs are all about personal points of views and pay attention to what we’ve got going on in our own worlds.


  10. Weeeell, all I have to add is: THE VIDEOS ARE FUNNY. LOL

  11. Because that video grabbed at every possible stereotypical and silly complaint that has been said by some women about some men, I thought it was a joke. I laughed. However I do realize that this is a sensitive topic and it has been open-season on us (Black women)for far too long. I say we all just STOP IT! We have the power to shut this shyt down. All we have to do is stop letting others define us or speak for us. And when they try tell them in a nice or nasty way “you don’t know me, therefore you do not speak for me, I have my own voice and I am quite capable of using it”. And this includes letting Black men speak for us also! I feel like we should be able to express disappointment in one Black man, or a bad date with one Black man without the world interpreting that as “all Black men”. And eventhough I laughed at that silly video, I’m tired as hell of Black women being picked on. I personally don’t like being picked on. And if somebody dares to do it, then their fate rests in their own hands. Good thing I don’t blog. I guess I would be tagged as that evil Black bytch.

  12. “I had a tantrum at my mother’s kitchen table where I told her not to not expect any grandchildren from me and to accept the fact that I wasn’t getting married, because I had.”

    WOW!!! I’ve been away from the interwebs for some time now–work dealings, etc.!! This HIT ME HARD!!! A few months ago I had the SAME convo with my mother and got the SAME reaction but wit a few Creole words & cussing thrown in the mix lmao! I thank you for this because I’ve ‘woosahed’ and I realized I didn’t have to accept or own the opinions of others: ‘you’re 34 and don’t have kids nor married–what’s wrong wit’chu’ NOT A DAYUM THANG LMAO!!!!

    So I surround myself more now wit positive black luv/people and things and I’m glad I came here prior to watching that lil video because it seems to not hold any weight so I won’t peruse it! Thanks TIH!! Congrats again!! Sorry for blog’n in comments 🙂

  13. Word. You have spoken nothing but the truth. I had to stop reading a good friend’s blog because she is constantly talking about her dating woes. I just can’t take it. Especially when I hear about it in person, too. I’d much rather hear about people in great relationships and how they’ve overcome the hard stuff. Thanks for reiterating this stance.

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