Sticks And Stones

One aspect of my personality that I am not particularly proud of is that I can be somewhat thin-skinned, in particular when it comes to family. I try very hard to not be overly critical of other people’s choices but like most human beings, I can be judgmental. And of course, part of being a big girl is the need to recieve criticism, hopefully in a way that’s constructive. But like I said, I’m only human and humans are flawed.

There was an incident this weekend where a soon to be family member made a comment about my wedding invitations and it really pissed me off. The family member was just joking but I didn’t really care. It pissed me off.  I worked hard on those invitations, I wanted them to look classy and to have them dismissed like that really stung.  I was also pissed because I have worked really hard to pull together a wedding experience that will be memorable, not just for me and Myron but for our collective families and friends.

If you are planning a wedding yourself (or with your groom’s help), there are a lot of man-hours that go into making the decisions. There is a lot of research and legwork that must be done. And as such, nobody wants to make a mistake. Nobody wants to have an affair that seems half-assed.  You want to make sure the moment is perfect.

And of course, that’s just not possible. Nothing in life is perfect.

But you’d like to think on your day, it might just turn out like that.

But weddings are intensely personal for the people involved in them and there is a certain ‘vision’ if you will, that the bride hopes to be able to pull off with the ceremony and reception.  This isn’t my child but it is OUR creation and I don’t take this for granted or take it lightly, even if others do.

So I say all that to say, that sometimes it would help if folks were gentler with their words. I think Erykah Badu said it best at the beginning of her hit song ‘Tyrone’: I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my shit.”

I’m no singer, but this is my shit and I’m kinda sensitive too.

Thanks for letting me vent. 🙂


20 thoughts on “Sticks And Stones

  1. Ummm….I liked the invitations! That’s all!

  2. Not only are some people ignorant to all the hard work that goes into planning a wedding, some are also jealous (especially women) and they will intentionally say passive aggressive things to get under your skin. Your almost there, stay strong. All of your hard work will pay off!

  3. Oh, I get my feelings hurt so easily when it comes to wedding stuff. My mom has a way of dismissing our wedding crafts that really gets to me. I wish I had good answer for this, but so far I just get mad and vent to Tony.

  4. Tiffany I can be sensitive too! However, I love to laugh and don’t intentionally hurt people’s feelings. This post will make me even more aware. I never planned a wedding but I have other affairs and I get so irritated by people giving unsolicited advice! Do what you and Myron want and hopefully others will be happy that you are happy!

  5. People need to learn to shut their traps, man. Anyone with any sense of decorum or home training should know these things…unfortunately when it comes to weddings people just lose their minds for some reason! And your invites look great, missy!

  6. I would really like to say something nice like “ignore them, or some people don’t understand how hurtful their comments can be”. BUT…………..since I think you and me are cool like that, I’mma go head and be me.

    Unless it was an elder or somebody who put some money on this hear wedding, I would have told them to “kiss my azz” in the King’s English!

    Sting me??? Oh hell yeah, I’m gonna sting you right back. Betcha their azz won’t step on that line ever again.

    • I’m gonna have to agree. Folks know what they’re doing when they step out of pocket. As my grandma would say, “Alot of truth be told in a joke.”

  7. I’m VERY sensitive about stuff like this and that is why I didn’t have a big ceremony. I’ll uninvite someone in a heartbeat.

  8. You already know my motto. Nuff said!!

  9. What’s even worse is that when/if you try to bring someone’s hurtful comment to their attention, all they want to do is tell you they were just joking

    Why can’t folks just apologize for unintended consequences?? It’s really not that difficult.

    Anyway — I sure do hope that when that soon-to-be family member is enjoying the beautiful wedding ya’ll are planning, they recall their statement.

  10. It is sooooo hard not to care what people say! Great post.

  11. I am one month into my planning and amazed at how I have become so sensitive to things people tell me or suggest. I literally said the other day about a comment a friend made to me, “she must think I’m some kinda fool or a child! Damn it I know what I am doing!”

    So yes… stay focused on what you want and take things in stride! I’m glad you said this, because it’s how I’ve been feeling.

  12. I can’t give any advice on this cause I’d probably never speak to the mofo again. When people “joke” about something sensitive issues I’m immediately turned off. If you’re willing to use my agnst as fodder for your amusement, I don’t need you in my circle.

  13. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t realize that you and your soon to be thought enough of them to include them to be witnesses of such a joyous occasion. They should be honored that they even received an invitation.

    Your invites were beautiful and unique. You worked hard, pulled it together and got them posted on time. On your time and dime!!

    Sometimes, critical folk know their own limitations and they are trying to convince themselves that it (your creation/hardwork) ain’t alla dat to make themselves feel better. Girllll, don’t fall for that.

    Brush your shoulders off. 🙂

  14. Amen, Tiffany! Everything you voiced is so real and so true for me as well. Wedding choices reflect our personality and taste. It stings for someone criticize – even jokingly – those choices because they don’t know how much time, thought, heart and concessions a couple has made to come to each choice. If I can vent on your blog…when I said I wasn’t having a lot of flowers at the reception just candles, one of my co-workers said, “oh, I guess it will be like going to a club versus a true wedding reception”…she’s a great girl and I don’t think she meant anything by that, but it stung! We gave up floral centerpices @$25 per table so we could invite more guests and serve higher quality food.

  15. Joking or not people should take the feelings of others into consideration when they speak. Sometimes it’s on-purpose, sometimes it’s just plain thoughtless. Good for you for taking it in stride & moving past it. I, for one, loved your invites. 🙂

  16. Folks getting under our skin happens to the best of us. I applaud you for revealing how you feel. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: keep focused on the Mister and your vision. Bump the rest.

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