In every relationship there are boundaries. There are limits you can’t go past, places you can’t go, lines you can’t cross; be it your mother, your boss or your friends.
So when a post by a blogger in my Google Reader popped up, I knew I was gonna to have to blog about it. MochaPeach blogs at Sex and the Southern Belle very candidly about love and relationships, post divorce. The title of the post: Rules for Single People with Married Friends.
That could be a real shit starter, huh. In the post she runs down 10 rules that single folks should be mindful of when having friendships with married folks. Despite what many will say, it is indeed possible. I’m not going to run down everything on the list but I will say that I was reading it and head nodding in approval and not because I am getting married. The rules she refers to are things that I did when I single!!! And it’s amazing, that other single folks didn’t get the memo.
In particular, I’d like to highlight a few of her rules here:
1) DO NOT call that person at odd times of the freaking day or night. For example, my husband’s so-called BFF (who was a chick) decided she wanted to call him at 7:45 in the goddamn morning once. DUDE…the sun isn’t even out. I’m lying right there (I might have happened to be off work or something). How disrespectful? Her response: I didn’t know she’d be home. SHE”D BE HOME (reminds me of Bernie Mack and “him downstairs”) I don’t even call my married girlfriends before the hours of 9 am or after the hours of 7 pm. Please don’t do it.
2) Speak to the lady or man of the house if they answer the phone. This one used to chafe my hide. My ex’s cousin would call and go “Can I speak to _____?” Bitch…do you think I am the MAID or something? I am the woman of the house. You just don’t speak to people when they answer the phone. I guess I was raised with a certain Southern aesthetic for manners that woulda got me popped in the mouth had I not spoken to whoever answered the phone. A simple “Hey Mocha..how you doing?” woulda sufficed. Oddly enough, when male friends called, they were always so sweet and cordial. Irony indeed….
3) Unless it is a life or death situation, don’t text your married friend late at night. I think this is along the same lines of the calling. Cause if we got that family plan phone bill and we see a bunch of texts from the same number/person, we are going to give you the Rock eyebrow and then the People’s elbow!
I never understood why people did this. This is the height of disrespect and this stunt is usually pulled by either a chick that liked your dude or the dude/chick who is mad his/her friend is getting hitched. As far as Tiffany In Houston is concerned, too much of this foolery is the quickest way to get cussed out. It has never every crossed my mind to call/text a married friend of mine past respectable people contact hours. EVER.
And this rule right here, number 6 is the one that should have been listed first, BOLDED and UNDERLINED. It reads as follows:
6) If you are a “single friend” who at one point was intimate w/ the married friend, do not be shocked that they will change the nature of your relationship. IT keeps the peace at home. Wives know the two of you fucked. We also know that you all are still friends. And if you want to be all tight like a nun’s pooney that will never do. Just know…you have to keep a respectful distance.
The world is small and there are like 2 degrees of separation amongst most people. Chances are you may end up dating someone who may have slept with someone that you know distantly. And even if you don’t know this other person, there seems to be this spidey sense from the spousal unit about this individual because they are normally just a bit TOO chummy, just a bit TOO extra, a bit TOO lingering with that hug. I’m not stupid. Game recognizes game.
Those are the type of individuals who tend to get faded to black fairly quickly. And rightfully so.
Those are just a few of her rules for the single folks. I hope she does a companion piece for married folks because they need some guidelines as well. I’m all about the equal opportunity around this joint. Married folks behave badly too!
I’m not going to ramble on and on but get over there and read her post and stick around to check out her blog. I’ve been lurking for a few months over there and she’s an excellent writer.
Are there rules that you live by when dealing with other folks boundaries???