Brown Does It Better

Dear FedEx Dude Who Delivers To My Complex,

This is your regular route. I have lived here since 2006. You have probably delivered to my house before.

So can you explain, how you FAILED to deliver my package WHEN MY ADDRESS WAS CORRECT???

Kind sir, these are my wedding invitations!!! Do you want to get your throat cut!!!???

According to the lady who called me on the phone from your office, the good lie that you told her was that my mama said she didn’t know anything about a package and that there were some kids there. Sir, my mother does not live with me and I have not a child to my name.  I assume that you wanted to get to your mid-day happy hour because you attempted to deliver my wedding invitations to the wrong damn address around 1PM and then apparently threw my sh*t to the back of the truck. If I hadn’t been tracking my package and knew that they were supposed to come yesterday, I would have even been further ass out.

FedEx dude, what you don’t seem to understand is that I am on a schedule, I got a timeline to keep and my RSVP deadline is August 31st.


That’s why I am down with the Brown. Plus they look better in their shorts.

FedEx dude, you suck.




7 thoughts on “Brown Does It Better

  1. I would be UPSET!!!!!! (get it?) UPSet?

    Nevermind 🙂

  2. That would be one hurt FedEx man. Glad you got them despite the problems. Damn people are lazy.

  3. As I fall out because this was hilarious!!! LOL.. but I so know how you feel!!!

  4. I know you are pissed, but this was hilarious!! LOL

  5. Bwahahaha! Sorry girl! Hope they make it tomorrow and that your “mama” doesn’t sign for them!

  6. LOL @ I’m down with the Brown. ❤ UPS

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