All The Single Ladies…

While reading my wedding p.o.r.n* last night, I came across a blog entry that made me sit straight up in bed in agreement.  I know I have not talked much about how I would prefer our ceremony and reception to flow but one thing I am adamant about is this: I WILL NOT BE DOING A BOUQUET TOSS.

The first reason for my dislike hatred of the bouquet toss is the fact that some ladies take it a BIT  TOO SERIOUSLY. The toss should not be a full contact sport. There is no reason for chicks to put on pads before getting on the dance floor. I have seen way too many women embarrassing themselves by wrestling over a few bits of flowers, to the point where there is pushing and shoving. In 1999, I was at my line sister’s wedding in Dallas, where the bride’s little teenage cousin nearly took out one of my other sorors over the bouquet. She elbowed my soror so hard that she went to the bathroom with some discomfort and needed an Advil for the pain in her side.

That my dear readers, is some BS. Seriously.

The second and to me, even more important reason that I am not doing the bouquet toss is this: once you get over the age of 30, the bouquet toss is nothing but a spectacle. Hear me out on this. As we get older and folks couple up and get married, the number of singletons tends to get smaller. And typically there are always more single women than single men. So invariably, the DJ calls all the single ladies to the dance floor. And nobody gets up. The bride starts imploring all the single ladies come to the dance floor. And still nobody wants to get up.  So then, folks at the tables start harassing the women that they know to be single to get up and head to the dance floor for that tomfoolery.

Uh uh, not your girl TIH.

After about age 31 or 32, I stopped doing it.  I refused.  I would leave the room. I would give folks the side eye and tell them to leave me alone. Maybe it was my own self consciousness, but I already knew I was single (and had some angst about being single) so I didn’t really relish being put on display and then having to deal with the barrage of (well meaning) questions about why I wasn’t married yet/why didn’t I have a boyfriend/why I didn’t have a baby. Folks don’t mean any harm when they ask such questions and a wedding is certainly the time where those conversations would more than likely come up but as a single woman (at the time) I wanted to celebrate the bride and not have the occasion turn into an interrogation about MY personal life from my relatives or friends.

So I made a promise to myself. I promised that if I was ever blessed enough to get married, I wouldn’t make other single women do something that I, myself absolutely hated about weddings. So, no bouquet toss. No WWE style grappling on the dance floor. None of that. I just want ALL my friends and family, single or not, to celebrate and have a good time with Myron and I at our wedding. So I plan to give my flowers to the couple in the room who have been married the longest, as a way to honor THEM. I want my marriage to be as long and happy as theirs.

So all the single ladies, you are good with me. I feel you.

(*Definition of wedding p.o.r.n. – all wedding related media including blogs and websites, pictures, magazines etc. etc. etc. LOL!)

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29 thoughts on “All The Single Ladies…

  1. This was a great post Tiffany. 🙂

  2. I’m all kinds of late, but I love this post. 😀

  3. I never liked the bouquet toss…not even when I was younger. It is the dumbest sh*t ever IMO.

  4. I think you made a good choice. I think the kids just wanna catch it cause they see it as a competition. Some women may believe the hype. I choose to fall back!

  5. I have always hated this tradition and thought it was silly. Kudos to you for stopping them madness!

  6. I definitely stopped taking it seriously once I hit 25. I’ll join in on the toss, just because it’s a part of the activities, but I don’t care one way or the other. I haven’t caught a bouquet probably 10 years. I’ll let the ones who really want it, get it. I’m too cute to take a fall! LOL

  7. The only people who will miss it are the folk looking for drama. I have a friend who threw a loose handful of flowers so all the ladies could catch a stem. She didn’t bother with a garter toss either. I’ve seen some hard shoving over that bouquet.

  8. I thought that this was my girl from a certain HBCU! I love your blog!!! I’m single, and I honestly don’t remember flying for a bouquet — it is tomfoolery! ABSOLUTELY!

  9. I’ve did throw the damn thing 23 years ago, but I was 21 and EVERYbody but me was single at my wedding. LOL. Now, as I have gone to numerous weddings, I cringe everytime as I watch women make a fool out of themselves or get dragged out there. I usually just watch, laugh and provide film at 11. DO YOU GIRL!

  10. God bless you!!! I’m 25, have refused to participate in this foolishness for the last 2 years, and will not participate in it for as long as I’m single. If I want flowers I will take the ones from the centerpiece or visit my local florist – not wrestle Tracy, Amber, Lashaun an’em in my fly dress and killer heels for the amusement of everyone else.

    What a great idea giving the bouquet to the longest married couple in attendance.

  11. Thank you TIH! Thank you!

    My soror who married last year at 37, presented her bouquet to the couple married the longest. It was a nice gesture and presentation about love – the DJ asked folks who were married to standup. Those married less than 5 years then sat down, then 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 and so on. It was really nice to see the older folks get represented.

  12. I like most wedding traditions because it reminds me of my childhood. It was something to look forward to. I don’t like it when brides throw the bouquet at a specific person. I admit to getting into a skirmish or two over a bouquet. I like competition. If my husband didn’t discourage it, I’d still get in the pile to catch the fresh flowers.

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  14. Wow never thought about it that deep. I bet watching the single men stand there half the time and watch the garter fall to the floor doesn’t help.

  15. Yay you! I didn’t toss my bouquet either. Honestly, I’ve always thought it was a stupid tradition no matter the age of the single ladies!!!

  16. Let the Church say………….AMEN
    I also refused to do it when I got married.

  17. I love it! Stand your ground! That tradition should be BANNED! Way to start the revolution!!!! Kudos to you!!!

  18. Thank you TIH. Someone knows my pain. Speaking as a former ‘maid of honor’ twice…I don’t need you to tell me that I’m single….please and thank you lol! I concur with abolishing it!

  19. LOL – I totally agree with you. I just happened to catch the bouquet at the last wedding I attended. I wasn’t planning to participate but the pressure – the bride begged me to get up there. Well I stood at the back of the room, next to a table. Sure enough, the bouquet fell on the table, so I grabbed it. One of the bride’s cousins was next to me, but not as close to table started yelling “IT’S NOT LIKE IT REALLY MEANS ANYTHING, IT’S NOT LIKE IT REALLY MEANS ANYTHING!!!” I so wanted to say, ‘well if that’s the case, why are you salty you didn’t get it?’ LOL

  20. Bless you, my soror, bless you!

  21. **CLAPPING** I got married at 28 and I chose not to do the bouquet toss at our wedding either.

  22. I didn’t want to do this either, but on the day of, the florist had prepared a toss bouquet and my little cousin, Mr. SLS’s friend (who was there with her beau and talked to him the whole reception about when it would be their turn) and my cousin’s girlfriend all *really* wanted me to throw the bouquet. So, I did it. Mr. SLS’s friend caught it. They aren’t married yet. It’s almost 3 years later.

  23. OMG I agree!! I’m single & refuse to go out there. Instead I take pictures and laugh!! Just recent at a wedding we saw all this womans unmentionables cause she went flying after the bouquet!! Don’t go commando if u gone fight like that lol

  24. On behalf of the single women over 30 who have endured this shiggity (“Get on up Michele, you KNOW you NEED to catch that thang!”)… I thank you. Deeply and sincerely.

    • The only thing you NEED to do is stay black and pay your taxes. “They” can kiss my yellow arse on that one!

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