Of Good Counsel

When we initially got engaged, pre-marital counseling wasn’t on my mind. I was SO happy to be engaged and was still on the engaged chick cloud.

When I finally landed back on earth, Myron and I had several conversations about whether we going to get counseling, who would be provide the counseling if we got it and where we should go. Myron’s dad is a minister, as is his uncle, and I also have an uncle who I am close to who is a minister. We collectively decided that getting counseling from family was somewhat biased in one person’s favor so we aren’t going that route.

I am a workbook type person and he is a life experience and talk it out person, so we won’t be going the worksheet route either..LOL!!

Through our discussions we realized that what was important is that we recieve guidance from a person of faith, preferably a minister and that the counseling and related materials/discussions be based on Christian principles. We are both Baptists Christian, which certainly makes it a lot easier.

(As an aside: I have decided to attend church with Myron. His church is actually the church I was baptized in and attended as a child. Also both sets of parents attend there as well. I know couples who have really battled over which church to attend so I feel really blessed that this will not be an issue with us.)

So we decided to attend the pre-marital counseling at our church, which is 12 weeks long. Myron is in charge of setting up the particulars, which he is working on right now.

If you are married, did you do any sort of pre-marital counseling? For my singles, would you do it? Is it important if it is faith based or not? Holla at me in the comments…


14 thoughts on “Of Good Counsel

  1. No…we didn’t do this. If we end up needing it…we’ll go get it.

  2. We attended 5 of 12 pre-marital counseling sessions. Our sessions were conducted in a classroom type environment (about 8-10 engaged couples per class). After completing the 12 classes, couples are given the option to sign up for individual couple counseling sessions if more counseling is necessary.

    So…five classes in, we realized that our morals, upbringing, values, likes, dislikes, understanding of human nature, approach to conflict resolution, etc. were virtually identical — and healthy. Instead of learning something in the class, we found ourselves talking about the clueless classmates around us. Basically, we realized we were fully grown and well versed in “thus sayeth the Lord” when it comes to marriage. We skipped the rest of the classes and have been happily married for 2 years now.

    I think pre-marital counseling is very important though, which is why we signed up and attended. Counseling only confirmed that we were very compatible and READY.

  3. Kyle and I did the pre-marital class at New Faith and LOVED IT! It is obviously biblically based and a workbook is involved. You’re expected to discuss the lessons with one another before going to class which helps alot.

  4. If I were to get married, I’d do faith based counseling. My church actually has a “seriously dating and engaged couples” class each quarter. I’ve heard of people being successfula nd some calling it quits. The Pastor has said over and over again that of all the people that have taken and finished the class and got married 100% are still married. That says a lot. That’s one good thing about my church also, they have monthly Couples in Actions get together things and discuss real life issues (even sex).

  5. We are not churchgoers so that wasn’t something we focused on, but we did work with a licensed couples counselor prior to getting married and I’m glad we did because though we don’t have a lot of issues or problems, it helped us to explore some areas that could have been landmines for us.

    We went back for a check in about 6 months after were married and have agreed that, if a problem arises that we feel we cannot resolve, we will seek out help from that or some other counselor.

  6. I wanted to attend, my husband did not. His requirements were a married and professionally licensed counselor. I wanted Christian.

    I found all 3, our counselor has a doctorate, is licensed minister and a widow.

    He enjoyed it and refers all his friends. I also enjoyed it. I think learning how other couples operate is beneficial. It makes you recognize your compatibilty. Ours was 12 weeks, a personality evaluation and 3 marital counseling
    sessions. The marital counseling was far more useful because things weren’t hypos.

  7. My fiance and I are catholics and we’ll be doing pre-marital counseling (necessary for a catholic wedding)… The counseling can be done in the church but is often done by professional counselors within a Wedding ministry…

    My parents are also part of a (catholic) group that caters to families and couples ministries (been in it most of my life), so we’ll probably be doing a walk with them as well…

  8. No we didn’t. We are both Catholic. So you see the problem right there! I was raised in Catholic school and the Church so I really had no faith that a Priest or a Nun could tell me anything about marriage. If I was of another denomination and I had a faith based leader that I trusted, I would have done it.

    I’m older now and both me and my S/O are divorced and we talk about everything. No topics are off limits. But if we could do a couples on their 2nd marriage kind of class, I would gladly sign us up. I need real life examples.

  9. We had faith-based marital counseling. My (then) home church won’t marry you unless you attend their counseling sessions which was impossible for us since the church is in CA and we were in AR. So we went to the pastor at the church we were attending at the time.

    Honestly, I remember absolutely none of it. I think we should’ve had professional faith-based counseling. Not a minister telling us to love each other and to keep God at the head of our home. I totally agree with that, but I think we would’ve done better with someone better equipped to provide us with day-to-day strategies for married life and not just quote scripture.

  10. I knew I was going to go through pre-marital counseling before I met my fiance’ LOL. Faith-based counseling was a must for me. One thing I found when talking to friends that were getting divorced is that the reason they were divorcing the man was evident before they got married – they just overlooked it. I also discovered that they did NOT attend any sort of pre-marital counseling. It also helps that we get a $35 discount on our marriage license for attending counseling 😉

    We went through pre-marital counseling at the church. It took us a while to get in the class and I didn’t want to wait until 2 months before the wedding to find out something major, so I ordered the ‘Before You Say I Do’ workbooks. We started with those.

    It was very interesting and caused us to discuss things that we had not discussed. By the time we got in our class, we had covered everything the class covered – the difference was being able to discuss it with other couples and getting the viewpoint of a couple that’s been married over 40 years.

    In addition to the workbook and class – we’ve sat down individually and as a couple with married couples we know. The insight they’ve provided has been very good.

    Finally, at my bridal shower, I plan to have a session where the married ladies share the main thing they wish someone would have told them before they got married.

    Even with all this – I know that we will encounter somethings that will shake us a little. But I’m trying to soak in all the information I can.

    sorry for blogging in your comments…

  11. We are doing pre-marital counseling right now, with a psychologist. However, the Pastor will not perform the wedding unless we have faith based counseling as well. What we get now is primarily focused on communication, personalities, and parenting and dealing with the issues that come with us making two long distance single lives with two children into one. It has been EXTREMELY helpful.

  12. I intend to do it. It must be faith-based and the person should have had some ‘real’ psych training too.

  13. We did get both pre-marital and post-marital counseling and IMO, pre-marital counseling is a neccessity. No matter how open And in tune you are with eachother, it is still neccessary.

  14. I will definitely get pre-marital counseling and it will be faith based. I think you guys are taking the right step.

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