Thirty Nine

Today is the last day of my third decade on this planet. I turn 40 tomorrow. I’m still unpacking that in my head. I. AM. TURNING. FORTY. YEARS. OLD.

I feel some kind of way about it ..I think.

It seems like yesterday that I was graduating from college, then hustling to find a job, then moving to Dallas for said job, then hating Dallas and running back home after 6 months, leaving my college boyfriend in the process. Then I dated a good friend that I’d known since college, then broke up with him, started and finished grad school, bought a house, ran the streets with my sorors and other girlfriends, traveled out of the country for the first time, had good dates and horrible ones and suddenly I was 30. It’s like my twenties were a blur.

At 39, the memories of my third decade are more crystalline, more frozen in time, more focused. I guess as you get older, you want to trap more of those memories in your subconscious.

In my thirties I:

• Sold my house
• Moved to Minnesota for my then boyfriend
• Proved to myself I could live somewhere else and have a good life
• Left a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere and moved back home
• Dated an ex (for the second time) that I shouldn’t have
• Got therapy when I needed it
• Went to the Bahamas and swam with dolphins
• Saw Prince in concert
• Bought another house
• Got laid off/fired a couple of times
• Lost my final remaining grandparent
• Met the coolest dude on the planet
• Planned and pulled off a wedding for 150 people
• Married that really cool dude
• Got a lesson about who is a true friend and who wasn’t
• Saw the Grand Canyon
• Became an aunt to my brother’s 2 adorable children
• Put my feet in the Atlantic, Pacific and the Gulf of Mexico
• Supported my spouse in the loss of his dear mother
• And really for the most part came into my own

I’m sure my life event list could be longer but those are some of the ones that really stick out to me. And that’s what is so wild, that’s just ten years’ worth of stuff. Now that I read that, I guess I don’t feel so uneasy about turning the big four oh after all. It might be just another day, but it’s another day I get to learn, growth, evolve and LIVE.

Now that’s worth celebrating, don’t you think?

Odds And Ends: Memorial Day Weekend Edition

Hey ya’ll, what’s up? How was your holiday weekend? Of course it’s always too damn short. But hubs and I made the best of it anyway.

Saturday, we lazed around and had a very late and delicious brunch. Myron broke our very nice waffle iron and we had waffles, sausage and hash brown potatoes topped with cheese and sour cream. So that big meal deserved another epic nap and so an epic nap was taken!

We then got up and got dressed to head out to hang with a friend at a day party she was hosting, then left there to go to another friend’s crawfish boil. We stayed there for the rest of the evening, good eats (and drinks) were had by all.

Sunday, seems a slight hangover was acquired by yours truly so I slept a bit longer and then we got up to check out Hangover 3. It was funny, but underwhelming. Wait for the Redbox or Netflix for that one.

After the movie, we ran by the store so I could pick up the ingridients for the evening’s snack: Hot Crab Dip with Crostini. A very “savvy” Twitter friend shared the recipe with me.

Nap time again commenced. I woke up to 2 frantic messages from my mom and aunt, imploring me to come meet some relatives who were in from California, whom I barely knew and wanted to see me. Reluctantly and petulantly, I threw on some clothes and went to my parents house, where I was ooohed and aaahed over like I was an infant. It was annoying to say the least. I hadn’t seen some of these folks since I was a child and probably won’t see them again anytime soon but dutiful child duty called so there we are. I ate a burger, had some of my dad’s awesome sprinkle cake and chit chatted. I made my escape after an about an hour and went back home.

Upon arriving home, I straightened up the kitchen and made the hot crap dip, which was excellent and so luxuriously rich. It’s definitely a holiday or special occasion treat as it’s not cheap to make!

Monday, I laid upon my arse almost the entire day, with the exception of a bit of kitchen duty and some vaccuuming. Hubs did some fajitas on the grill, I made myself a margarita in the blender and called this weekend a wrap.

What did you do this past weekend?

The (Almost) 40 Year Old Toddler

So yeah I had a tantrum today. Straight up clowned.

I had to go meet a recruiter today on my lunch break. I suggested meeting at a Starbucks instead of fighting Galleria mall lunchtime traffic (normally hellish). She countered with meeting at her “satellite” office (some shared office suite) that was even further NORTH of where I am currently working. *sigh*

I got turned around trying to get on the Beltway from here because my job is where two major highways intersect so it’s not all that intuitive where to get on the road. We are supposed to meet at 11:30. At 11:30, I’m just now figuring how to get on the highway. Google Navigation is just totally effing me over right now.

I’m hot, frustrated, and mad that I have to meet this recruiter so picture a short black woman in glasses in her car just going off. Straight meltdown. I know folks thought I was INSANE. I was cussing, trying to listen to the GPS tell me the wrong azz way to go and trying to avoid all of the folks driving slow in the left hand lane. Then I start fussing with God. I told him this is for the birds and it’s getting old and these recruiters are getting on my nerves and a whole litany of grievances I had. I almost said this was some bullsh*t, but I’m too scared to cuss God and get struck down. LOL!!

But yeah, me, myself and I methophorically laid on the carpet and kicked and screamed. Felt good too. You can call me childish all you like. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care!!

There is a happy ending: I made it to the meeting, calmed down and met with the recruiter. I apologized to Jesus on the way back to the office though.

I may be unruly, but I’m not crazy!

Ya’ll still having tantrums every now and then or are you too grown??

Hunker Down

I think that when humans are going through a period of stress, instinct kicks in. Our natural reaction is fight or flight. And thus, you will face your stress head on and fight through  it or you will do like I did, turn and run away and withdraw.

I probably talk about my work life a bit too much on this here blog. It’s been a stressful point in the almost 20 years (!!!) I’ve been in the corporate arena. I’ve made some choices early on that are starting to affect me now and because I am married now and have another person whose welfare I must consider, I’m a bit angry with myself. But that’s neither here nor there, at this point. God has blessed me yet again. My contract at my current plantation ends today and I start another one on Monday at a new plantation. But getting from point A to point B has been difficult this time. It has been stressful. I have been worried and my faith has taken a tremendous hit. My normally cheery personality has not been so cheery. It has affected me, it has affected my husband. He doesn’t like to see me upset, but at the same time he cannot carry my burdens for me. He can encourage me, but I also have to encourage myself.

And so I haven’t been writing, mainly because I haven’t had all that much to say. I’ve been hunkered down in my little hole in my mind, stressed out. When you are in your feelings, whatever it may be, it’s hard to see that it will pass. But it always does.

I blog because I like to get things out of my head and into a written format and to share a bit of my life with the people who read my small corner of the internet, because in a sense you are my online family. And while I like to put up pretty pictures, recipes and funny stories, it’s important to share, to some extent, that I am human and have my own personal struggles.  My struggle may not be your struggle, but no one person’s  issue is bigger or smaller than another else’s.

I would submit to you to not hunker down in the depths of your mind and wallow in your stuff. Talk to someone, get it on paper, cry it out, do what ever you need to do to make yourself whole again.

My coworker sent me this video one day when I was particularly in my feelings and sometimes I just have to put this bad boy on repeat:

Mary Mary – “Go Get It”

Don’t run away from whatever it is that you may be dealing with. Fight through it. You are going to come out the other side just fine. I promise.

(Shout out to Tazzee and Jeanine for checking on me.)

Tweeting Through It

I follow my brother on Twitter and he has a a habit of saying “just tweet through it” normally in response to one of his friends who might be going through a particular situation be is serious or funny.

But there is really is something to that notion. Twitter is good for a vent session and sometimes you aren’t necessarily talking to any of your followers or even expecting a response. Sometimes you really do just need to get the words out of your head and out onto of your keyboard.

So this I tweeted through it this morning and this is what I had to say (to myself more than anything). Maybe it will help someone else.

Read from the bottom up:

@TiffanyNHouston So I hope ya’ll have a good supporting cast of people in your life that help you keep it ALL THE WAY REAL.

‏@TiffanyNHouston Cause sometimes being an adult isn’t easy or all it’s cracked up to be.

@TiffanyNHouston So I’m glad I have a supporting cast of people who keep me grounded, are logical, and keep me from jumping off the ledge.

‏@TiffanyNHouston  Or rather what God had decided I was going to do. But in the interim I had anxiety and worry,

‏@TiffanyNHouston But what I do know that I have been struggling with a decision I needed to make and this morning I got confirmation of what I needed to do.

‏@TiffanyNHouston There is a saying that no man is an island. I don’t know who said it so don’t ask me that

When you are struggling with a decision or need some feedback who do you turn to?

Friday Five

This was a quick way to kill a little time on Friday afternoon. The writing prompts can be found here!

Where’s a good place to check out some pretty lights?

 That’s a really good question. I don’t think I’ve ever looked for a place here in Houston to go and see pretty lights. There are certain neighborhoods that are known for having really nice Christmas decorations and lighting displays but that’s all I can think of offhand.

 How well do you sleep with the lights on?

I don’t. I’m a light sleeper anyway so having a lot of light in the room is a real distraction. There is a light right outside my bedroom window that I wish I could tear down but it’s attached to my building. I should get those black out shades.  I don’t do night lights either.

 What’s your favorite song with the word “light” or “lights” in the title?

 Of course, All of The Lights by Kanye West.

What “light” version of some food or drink is as good as (or better than) its regular version?

 The diet versions of Snapple drinks are just as good as the original, IMO.

 Which light in your house seems to need changing the most frequently, and which the least?

 The light bulb that seems to need to be changed the most is right about the washer and dryer in the garage. It is always blowing out. (That may have to do with the cheap bulbs we use too!) I have the old school “Hollywood” style clear bulbs in my bathrooms and they tend to need changing pretty frequently too because they are high wattage. We had several of the long lasting halogen bulbs but we haven’t gotten around to picking up more of them. They’re expensive too!

Have a go at the Friday Five, if you like, in the comments.

Sacrificial Lamb

There was a meeting last night to discuss the fact that Houston ISD is planning to close the high school I went to and merge it with another high school, build a new school and then adopt the mascot and name of the other high school. Folks in the community are upset and rightfully so. Who wants to see their alma mater shut down??  This meeting was supposed to be to gather community “input” but many folks acknowledge that unless a miracle happens, it’s pretty much a done deal.

However, many of the more recent graduates pointed out  in comments on the FB meeting invite that the community around my high school is in decay (and to be frank was always low income when I was there 20 years ago), the school itself is bad shape as it was built right after World War II, and the enrollment is less than half (530) of what the capacity can hold (around 1200 students).  Test scores are horrible and there has been a revolving door of administrators.  Parental and alumni support has been negligible. In fact, many of  more recent alumni commented that they welcomed the merger and subsequent building of a new facility as they felt it would benefit the community and future students.

I feel somewhat guilty because I agree with them.

I did not grow up in the community where my high school is located. I got up every morning to catch a 6:20 AM bus crosstown because of the gifted and talented program located there. That was the only reason I went. I enjoyed my time there and the friends that I made, but I don’t really have a strong connection to my high school at all. In 2002, the parents of the students in the gifted and talented program lobbied the district to move the program out of my high school to make it a stand alone one, first at an unused elementary school and finally to a brand new high school located in a gentrifying area right near downtown Houston. When the GT programs moved, the death knell basically sounded for my high school.

I feel bad because I felt like perhaps I should have done more as an alumni, that perhaps I should be more up in arms about this. After all this is a predominately Black and Hispanic community that is about to lose their neighborhood school. On the other hand, my practical side thinks that if the school has basically gone to shit, why shouldn’t the folks in the area, who DO pay school taxes like every other resident of the District get a decent school for their children? Why should their hard earned dollars continue to be used to put lipstick on a pig??? But even worse, why are the people in the community getting outraged NOW? Especially when it’s pretty much too late.

I’ll always cherish the memories, but Myron made a good point when we were talking about it, sometimes growth requires sacrifice.

I wonder if I should have sacrificed a bit more myself.

I Have Questions, You Have Answers: Round 10

This is shamelessly stolen from my Twitter follower @WitTitsOrSTFU. Thanks, dude!

• Where do you live now?
• Where were you living when you graduated from high school?
• Where were you living when you graduated from college?
• Comparing where you lived when you graduated HS vs graduating from College, which area would you prefer?
• Did you live on campus during college? If you lived at home during college, did you have a curfew?
• If you didn’t go to college after HS, what did you do?
• Where were you living in 1996?
• Where were you living in 2008?
•  Do you keep in touch with any of your college roommates?
• What’s the farthest you’ve traveled for a wedding?
•  If you’re going on vacation this year, where are you going?
•  What’s the farthest you’ve walked, and why?

Ambition

When I first graduated from college, like most naive kids I thought I was going to be much like Pinky and the Brain, and take over the world. By the time I was 40, I thought I would be a big time bank branch manager with a staff, making long money. I never aspired to be CEO, but I’d be damn close to it!

Of course, life never turns out quite like you expected. I’ve got quite a bit of good experience in my years in Corporate America and I am definitely a senior level professional, but I’m not in management. Part of of that is circumstance, I’ve worked at several different companies and my tenures haven’t been particularly long but part of it is by design, I’ve seen what my friends who manage people have to deal with and I’d rather herd cats. Managing people and getting them to execute is more than a notion. I wouldn’t mind being a manager, as long as managing people doesn’t come along with it. I do have friends who have those titles. But as long as I can continue to get paid well, I’m good with being on the professional track. I guess I adjusted my level of ambition over the years. *shrugs*

What about you? Are you where you want to be career wise? Are you a manager? Or are you pretty good with what you are doing and where you are at??

Odds And Ends: Hump Day Edition

• I’m thinking about doing a vlog for ya’ll. Do I need to set up a YouTube channel and alla that? Do I have to wear make-up? Where is the best place to film a vlog in your house? As you can see I have questions..lots of them.
• Do you have the Songza app on your phone? This Essential Motown playlist is giving me ALL OF THE LIFE right now!
• I’m eating cake right now at work. Don’t tell Myron.
• I’ve been trying to get the energy up to do some real blogging instead of all these Odds and Ends random ass posts but every time I think of a topic I want to talk about, I forget it.
• Cassandra at Cohab Chronicles links to this blog called Friday 5 for post ideas. I think I’m going to start using some of these prompts. I really want to write, it’s just sometimes the flesh is weak…and then it falls asleep.
• Shit married people do: walk around the house singing the operatic version of “As Long As My B*tches Love Me” by Lil Wayne/Future/Drake. Said lyrics go like this:I’m on that good kush and alcohol/I got some down b*tches I can call
  I don’t know what I would do without y’all/I’mma ball til the day I fall

• Yeah, we’re a bit ratchet and a whole lot of silly. But it was funny though! LMAO!!!
• Are ya’ll watching House of Cards on NetFlix? That shit is crazy good!!!
• We are history nuts so we are looking forward to watching The Bible and Vikings on the History Channel. March 3rd cant get here fast enough.
• March 3rd is also my brother’s birthday. He’ll be 28. I feel really old now.  *sigh*
• I normally look forward to the NBA All-Star games and skill challenges like the 3 Point Shoot Out and Slam Dunk contests. They were absolutely horrible this year. And I didn’t even bother to watch the actual All Star game. I did turn back long enough to see Alicia Keys crash and burn. That was vindication enough.
• How does a grown man slap a toddler on a plane, call the kid a racial slur, and be able to walk off the plane under his own power?? Shouldn’t there be dismemberment involved?
• I have eaten ALL this cake and drunk some punch. I really need a nap now.
• That’s all I got for a Wednesday afternoon. What are ya’ll doing??