Stuck On Stupid

I was reading over the weekend about the ongoing battle royale between R&B superstar Usher and his ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond. According to the always on point folks over at TMZ.com, Usher has given Tameka a 60 day notice to vacate the house that she has been living in since 2009, rent free mind you, because he intends to sell it. Woe is her, right? I do feel for Ms. Foster. She recently lost a child in a tragic accident, and to add insult to injury primary custody of her two youngest was awarded to Usher. But for me that’s where the sympathy train runs out of tracks.

I don’t think Usher is a saint by any means, and he didn’t help matters much with that Oprah interview. However, I do think he’s tried to reach some sort of settlement several times with Ms. Foster, which she continually rejected. The couple have been divorced officially since 2009. You read that correctly, 2-0-0-9.  I don’t really know whose fault it was that they could never come to terms on custody but Tameka lost that war in the end. You see, I have a little theory about this case (and also the Siovaughn Wade-Dywane Wade divorce), and my thoughts are this: the longer the mother dragged the father back and forth into court; the more the court saw her as unstable which weakened her status and led to the father being granted custody. I mean think about it. Family court is inherently biased toward placing minor children with their mothers and giving fathers visitation. A mother has to be blind, crippled or crazy to lose custody of her kids. I’m sure the fact that both fathers are tremendously wealthy also factored into the court’s decision.

I’m getting to a larger point here so follow with me: As women, we have to stop being stuck on stupid. Whether a woman is in a marriage that is ending or a committed relationship that’s gone kaput, we have to realize the end game. The end game is, IF the man doesn’t want to be in the relationship, has no intention of trying to working to save the relationship, has moved on and gotten a new woman; then what is the point to continually being evil and bitter about it, especially if there are children involved. Of course, I can sit here and type these words because that is a lot easier said than done. However, I have been lied to and cheated on and held bitterness in my heart for a very long time, while the object of my ire, had moved cross-country with the chick he cheated on me with, living his life like it was golden.

How does that saying go, Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Well after I realized dude was kicking it strong and was giving me nary a thought; I decided to stop killing myself.

Maybe Tameka Foster Raymond should too.

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7 thoughts on “Stuck On Stupid

  1. From what I understand, Tameka didn’t have custody of her other sons so she could move on with her life with Usher…that didn’t work out. I don’t know what is going on but both individuals acted so poorly in court and with each other. Since they are in Atlanta, blogs and the news kept reporting what happened in court and it was a mess.

    I don’t think $ factored into it as much as we think since Usher would have had to pay support anyway … I think she came across as cray cray and Usher had better lawyers.

  2. Living in his home and using his credit accounts says to me she wanted to hold on to the benefits of having been married to him.

    Most folks don’t want anything to do with their ex and avoid them at all costs. I wouldn’t want mine to have anything to hang over my head. Tameka needs to get it together and let go of Usher and anything remotely related to him.

  3. The case is called Raymond v. Foster (at least that is what google says) so it seems Usher was dragging her to court. They had joint custody and he wanted sole custody. I do not know what offers he made to her but if settlement offers were less than she already had, she had reason to reject them.

    I can’t conclude that Tameka defending her parenting rights in the custody suit, means she is stuck. Usher is Tameka’s 2nd husband. I think she probably knows how to let go of past relationships.

  4. I have to agree with you on letting stuff go. I can hold a grudge like you wouldn’t believe and sometimes I have to consciously make myself NOT sweat the small stuff. What can I say, I’m a work in progress.

    Hopefully, Mr. Raymond will hire a good nanny to raise those kids. His mama is a little suspect to me since she let him go off with Puffy and the crew when he was a youngster.

  5. When you appear to reject “settlements” for more money for yourself and not for your kids then people (judges) will start to look at you like you’re crazy. Maybe she thought she was hitting pay dirt by marrying Usher and having two kids and it’s not working out for her right now. She should take the money and go. Kind of like the chick on RHONY I guess she thought she wouldn’t ever have to work again by marrying rich.

  6. Didn’t she have like, four other kids? I wish people-men and women-would realize that whatever decisions are made have to be in the children’s best interest. Too many people treat their babies like bargaining chips, trying to hold on to what’s already gone.

  7. I wasn’t surprised she didn’t get custody. Did she have custody of her other kids? I vaguely remember a stink being made when she ended up with Usher and people saying she left her husband AND her kids to be with him.

    With regard to the bitterness some women feel, I think it’s all they have. It’s their breath and the beat of their hearts. It’s the only way they know how to be.

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